Some Suggestions

Posted on September 25, 2012 by Sweets

Dear lingerie industry:

I know “beige” and “brown” aren’t sexy colors. I know you want to say “nude.” You need to stop saying “nude.” Seriously, cut it out. There is no universal shade of nude, and we are not all either beige or brown. Here are some color name suggestions, some of which you’re already using, so keep it up:

Pearl
Amber
Peach
Coral
Dawn
Antique
Ballet pink
Apricot
Sepia
Blush
Tea
Hazelnut
Crème brûlée
Night
Bronze
Petal
Coffee
Taupe
Chocolate
Sand
Biscuit
Sienna
Gold
Topaz
Brioche
Blossom
Caramel
Bloom
Ivory
Meringue

If I came up with this list on a stalled train today, I’m quite sure you can think of more.

Love,
Sweets

http://thelingerielesbian.com/2012/08/21/calling-out-the-lingerie-industry-beige-is-not-nude/

http://www.thelingerieaddict.com/2012/09/diversity-is-more-than-a-bra-size-what-its-like-to-be-a-woman-of-color-in-the-lingerie-industry.html

Brand Introduction: Freya

Posted on September 23, 2012 by Sweets

For those of us who know our bra sizes better than our social security numbers, Freya is nothing new, but for many women, particularly in North America, who are just getting to know their full-bust sizes, Freya’s is the first friendly face they’ll meet. While Freya may not be for everyone, I want to share the brand with you because 1) it’s widely available in North America now, 2) it’s moderately priced (generally), and 3) Freya really paved the way for many of the beautiful, varied full-bust companies on the market today.

Lots of Styles

“Deco” molded plunge bra, available in black and beige as well as seasonal colors. Sizes 28-38 B-GG (some exceptions).

Being an internationally recognized leader in the full-bust market, Freya has the resources to offer many, many different styles over the course of a year. On average, around 20+ new styles hit the market every season, including swim, lounge, lingerie, and athletic wear.

Clockwise from top left: Active, Lingerie, Lounge, Maternity, Swim

Freya offers lots of different shapes, too: padded half-cup, seamed balconette, molded plunge (the enormously popular Deco bra), soft cup, nursing, sports, and strapless bras as well as bikinis, tankinis, and full-length swimsuits, so there’s a chance that even if one shape isn’t your cup of tea, Freya may offer another shape that works for you. Last year they introduced a longline style which returns this year in multiple prints. Some bras are padded, some are sheer, some are opaque, some are frilly, some are basic, so you have a great chance of finding underwear to suit your needs and tastes. Freya will be launching some pretty shapewear next spring, and Freya and sister brands Elomi, Huit, Fauve, Fantasie, and Goddess offer beautiful, colorful options for a range of shapes, sizes, styles, and budgets.

Lots of Sizes (sometimes)

Freya was one of the first labels to offer K-cups and 28-backs, and they should be applauded. Competitive labels have expanded their size ranges in order to keep up, which means more options for everyone. However, sometimes there are weirdly arbitrary sizing black holes. Some bras start at C-cups, others at D, 28 bands frequently aren’t available in the full cup-size spectrum, the athletic and sleepwear ranges don’t go to K cups, and some other styles arbitrarily stop at G or GG instead of extending up to the full GG-K range (particularly in larger band sizes– boo). Many women are waiting for Freya to adapt the Deco bra for larger cup sizes, and I am baffled as to why the longline bras can’t go higher than a G. If it’s because the longline bras feature the padded half-cup shape, then make it an unlined balconette longline bra! Hell, I’d prefer it unlined. A longline version of the Arabella range would knock my socks off.

Right? Wouldn’t this make a super-sexy longline bra?

Holy crap, you guys, I am a design genius! Freya, get on that: I will buy the hell out of it. A longline bra with its six hooks feels like such a blessing to so many full-busted women, since, as we know, support comes from the band. I know that the design, construction, and, well, architecture of larger cup sizes is more challenging and more time-consuming, but women who wear these sizes often want supportive sleepwear and sports bras most of all, and there’s currently a huge hole in the market.

Lots of Accessories

I’ve made my feelings on matching sets known before: I love them, I crave them, I feel so pretty in them. Freya usually offers at least two, if not more, coordinating knickers (and occasionally suspenders) for each of their bras and coordinating bottoms for each of their bikinis and tankinis. As an avowed thong-hater, I love this, because I can build lingerie ensembles of my choosing, with pieces that I know flatter me and feel the most comfortable.

Some of the accessories available in the following ranges: Pier (swim), Gem, Ashlee, Patsy.

Lots of Color

While my first Freya bra was a fairly basic black (“Pollyanna”, I know I keep harping on it but RIP I miss you), the first thing that made me notice the brand was color. Again, the full-bust landscape has changed dramatically in the last five years, and brands like Cleo, Miss Mandalay, Parfait, Claudette, Curveturiere, and others feature bright, bold, on-trend colors and a sophisticated design approach, but when I first started figuring out how to fit my breasts, my only point of reference was your average US department store, where my options were beige, black, and white, if they carried my size at all. Freya bras, on the other hand, came in reds and pinks and greens and blues and deep purples, and they were trimmed with lace and contrasting bows and ruffles. The designs were interesting, the colors popped, and the whole feel overall was so much more youthful, sexy, and fun than the beige minimizer bras I’d turned to for years.

Some of the many, many colorful lingerie pieces released over the last few years.

Lots of Print

Polka dots. Bows. Flowers. Tattoos. Flamingos. Russian dolls. Feathers. Stripes. Freya really stands out in the full-bust market for its sometimes completely bonkers prints (I mostly mean that as a compliment). While it’s really lovely to have elegant, luxurious lingerie in your drawer, sometimes it’s also nice to inject a little fun into the mix. I will always love polka dots, and I LOVED the Nieve print (which sort of kills me, because I found the fit in both the balconette and the longline bras to be pretty strange (more later)). There’s a nice playfulness to some of the prints, and a charming sensuality to others.

Freya Prints: Nieve (longline), Tabitha (balconette), Carly (molded plunge)

Does Freya have it all? Well . . . they have a lot! I think branching into shapewear for Spring 2013 was a really smart decision, given that shapewear’s surging popularity shows no signs of stopping. I hope Freya listen to feedback and continue to expand their size ranges, as there are currently lots of ladies falling into the gaps. There are sometimes baffling fit inconsistencies that make shopping online a real pain. In the last year or two it seems like Freya’s bands have gotten much, much stretchier, and sometimes the cups have too. I have the balconette version of the Nieve in what is, for me, a pretty average size, and I’ve worn it a few times, but it has stretched so quickly I’m already wearing it on the tightest hooks, and the cups are bizarrely unsupportive and droopy. I almost feel like I should have gone down 1 band size and up 2 cup sizes, a fit adjustment that is impossible to anticipate and which most likely means an online shopper will have to pay shipping and returns. The “Faye” style is very popular as a basic bra, but I have yet to find the right fit on me. I find the band somehow loose and tight all at once, the cups are shallow, and the fabric feels flimsy to me. However, these complaints might be specific to my body type, and maybe to a women with firmer tissue or differently shaped breasts, Freya’s recent design changes are a breath of fresh air. Freya’s wires tend to run narrower than Panache’s, which are notoriously wide, so Freya bras in general might suit some women better than others. Finally, many of Freya’s unlined bras give a kind of retro pointy shape, which can be either really appealing or a huge turn-off, depending on your preferences. I’m not a fan of the shape for me personally, but I have found that the silhouette tends to soften to a more natural look after a few wearings, almost like I have to break it in first.

While I don’t think Freya will ever be everything to any one specific customer, I do think Freya has a little something to offer a wide range of women, no matter her age, shape, or style.

Have you tried Freya? Do you have a favorite style? I’ve mostly featured past styles, but if you want a sneak peek of Spring/Summer 2013 (and the chance to preorder anything that catches your eye), check out A Sophisticated Pair’s preview of some of the beautiful styles to come!

Sweet Nothing Du Jour: 9/21/12

Posted on September 21, 2012 by Sweets

Guys, Time Warner still stinks, so totally rad, informative posts are on hiatus until my Internet is fixed. In the interim, help me speculate on the contents of a mysterious envelope from Julia Lambert.

She’s coming to see me in a week, at which point we will exchange birthday gifts. It is from ENGLAND, you guys. If it is not lingerie-related, I’ll eat my hat. The fact that I am maturely not sneaking a peek ahead of time should be taken as a sign of devoted sisterly affection. Because I seriously, seriously want to open it. Stay strong, Sweets. See you soon, Miss Lambert!

Review: “Marcie” by Cleo and “Emily” by Curvy Kate

Posted on September 18, 2012 by Sweets

I’m really trying to shift my shopping habits to support smaller retailers, but I confess that when Figleaves sends me a discount code, I usually bite. I’m trying to pinch pennies wherever I can, and I also really need new bras, so Figleaves’ timing was much appreciated. After a lot of deliberating (everyone and their mother have released some fantastic colors for Fall), I chose the “Marcie” set by Cleo and the “Emily” by Curvy Kate in this season’s deep blue color.

I’ve been wanting to try a Curvy Kate (non-Showgirl) style for a while now. I really like the brand: I like the sense of fun they bring to the full-bust market, I like the body-and-boob positivity, and I love the new, grown-up blue (Midnight/Blush) color for Fall. Cleo, meanwhile, is quickly turning into my favorite brand. I find the fit is more consistent than Freya, and their unlined balconette bras suit my shape almost perfectly: the bottom of the cup is never baggy, the wires sit flush, the bands are nice and firm, and the straps don’t slip. Some women find that Panache bras have painful underwires, but I’ve never had that issue with Cleo. I think it would be a great brand to offer to a full-busted teenager, as some of the styles are sweet, fun, and youthful, but I don’t think Cleo is exclusively for the under-20 set. Who doesn’t want to add a note of sexy playfulness to her lingerie drawer?

“Emily” by Curvy Kate. Available in Midnight/Blush, Black, Beige, and White. Sizes 28-40 D-K.

Emily first: The bra is really, really beautiful, especially considering that it’s kind of a “basic” bra. I love the vibrant blue, which is kind of a cross between navy and royal blue, and the contrasting embroidery is a very pale sepia-pink that’s quite lovely. Mine had a few stray threads on the cups, but the seams are all secure. The bottom of the center gore features a small eyelet ruffle, which is very pretty and feminine, and happily it doesn’t continue all the way around the cups, as sometimes details like this can rub and irritate the skin directly under the breast. My size features three sets of three hooks and eyes in the back and fully-adjustable straps. The band is true-to-size, and it fits very smoothly. With some bras I’ve found that the band’s outer edges don’t stretch evenly with the rest of the band, which means the top or bottom of the band pinches and digs in while the fabric of the band itself stretches lazily. With this bra, the stretch is more consistent throughout the band as a whole, which is both more flattering (if you’re squishy, as many of us are) and more comfortable. I had heard that some women prefer to try a cup size up in Curvy Kate bras, and since I’m kind of between sizes right now I went with the larger cup size.

The picture above is a better representation of the color, but this one shows off the details a bit better. Pretty!

My experience with Emily is proof that even if the size is technically correct, sometimes a bra’s shape isn’t 100% perfect for you. The center gore is a bit higher than I’ve found with some balconette bras, and the cups are also cut higher, so to me it feels a bit like a cross between a balconette and a full-cup bra. A fuller cup is great for support, but it does run the risk of showing under some necklines. My breast tissue is fully encapsulated in the cup and the band sits firm and horizontal on the loosest hooks, but the darned center front won’t sit completely flush against my sternum. Generally your first step in that situation would be to try a cup size bigger. However, I already have a bit of extra space in the bottom of the cup, and a cup size bigger would probably just be too big. So what does it mean, when a size is technically correct, but you can’t tick all your good fit checkboxes (in this case, the center gore) in good conscience? It means that your size is fine, but the fit just may not be there. See why it’s a good idea not to get too hung up on the size on the tag? Sometimes the bra just isn’t your soulmate. Emily is super comfortable, but the cups probably aren’t a perfect match for my breasts. There’s also a chance that the center gore is a bit wider than on some other bras. It might be great for women whose breasts sit further apart from each other than mine do, but there’s currently no room between my boobs for that gore. Even though the cut isn’t absolutely perfect, I’m considering keeping the bra, and here’s why: it’s crazily comfortable, I like the shape it gives me, which is a bit lower-profile and less in-your-face than some bras, the support is fabulous, I love the color, and I suspect that I can alter the center gore so that it’s narrower and will fit my shape better.

CK sizes its briefs in UK sizes 8-22. I’m between sizes in skirts and pants right now, and I went with my smaller size when ordering my knickers, which was a good call (reminder: my hips and rear are narrower in proportion to my bust. If you have fuller hips or a fuller rear, you may need to choose your size differently). I really like that the waistband doesn’t dig, and the gorgeous embroidery and smooth fabric are just as lovely here as they are on the bra, but the briefs are a bit lower-cut than I’d like, and between the low cut and the looser waistband I worry they might ride down throughout the day. My obsession with matching lingerie sets is making me hesitate about keeping both parts of a set I’m only 94% sold on, but I’m definitely going to look closer at the bra to see what an alteration to the center gore might accomplish. Decisions, decisions.

“Marcie” by Cleo. Available in Red. Sizes 28-38 D-J.

On to the Marcie: I first saw this set in one of Invest in Your Chest’s A/W 2012 preview posts (she has also reviewed Marcie, so check her out if you’d like to see some IRL pictures), and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. It’s always hard to try to figure out how a bra will fit you compared to how it fits a model, but I suspected that, given my success with similar Cleo bras in the past, this shape would suit me. The color sure does! A bright, cheerful, cherry red, with sheer mesh embroidery on the top of the cups and swiss dots (oh look, dots, we are all astonished I love them) on the main part of the cups. My size closes with three sets of two hooks and eyes, and the straps are fully adjustable. These straps deserve extra mention: not only are they fully adjustable, but they’re lined with a soft, slightly fuzzy fabric that won’t rub your shoulders raw, and the top side of the strap is ribbed, to ensure that once the strap is adjusted to the right place, it won’t slip. That is a really nice touch, especially considering that fuller busts can be, you know, heavier busts.

Ruffled. Freaking. Knickers. Love ‘em. The bows look a bit purple in this picture, but they’re definitely navy in real life.

And yep, this shape is my shape. I love it, I love it, I love it. Again, I’m between cup sizes, and I went for the larger one. The band is firmer than the CK Emily, and when I first put the bra on I thought the cups were too big. TEACHABLE MOMENT: It’s super, super important to wiggle and shimmy and adjust and reposition and bounce around and stretch your arms up over your head when you’re trying on a new bra, especially if your breast tissue is soft. Once I did my trying-on dance, my breasts settled into the cups, and I realized the fit was perfect. I don’t know what wizardry the Cleo team uses, but their unlined balconettes are magical. The wires sit directly against my ribcage under my breasts with no excess fabric or digging, the center gore is flat against my sternum, there’s no wire poking into my armpit, and the construction of the cup gives gloriously rounded, uplifted boobs. This isn’t a cleavage-y bra, but it gives an extremely sexy shape nonetheless, and it really elongates the torso and slims the waist, since the bust is so perky and uplifted. I wore the bra today under a jersey dress, and even though there are seams and embroidery on the cup, which I know some people shy away from, it’s practically invisible. Marcie, darling, I love you.

The Marcie briefs are also completely flipping adorable. Ruffles, dots, bows: I’m there. I went for my smaller size, which was again the right decision. They’re a little lower-cut than I’d like, but that’s an old song at this point, and they’re too darned cute and comfy for me to care.

I took Marcie out pole dancing tonight. She held up beautifully.

Emily is available at Butterfly Collection, Linda’s, Figleaves, HerRoom, and Bare Necessities. Older colors on sale at BraStop and on eBay.

Marcie is available at Nordstrom, Bravissimo, Figleaves, Bare Necessities, and HerRoom.

As a fun P.S., it looks like Cleo has great faith in Marcie, as Invest in Your Chest previewed a new electric blue color to debut for Spring 2013!

*N.B. Unless otherwise specified, any item I review here at Sweet Nothings is something I picked out and bought for myself. I do not have sponsors, and I do not use affiliate links. All opinions are entirely my own.

Sweet Nothing Du Jour:9/16/12

Posted on September 16, 2012 by Sweets

Tonight’s post is NOT brought to you by Time Warner Cable, my current nemesis, who for the last four months has delightfully been charging me for internet despite the hilariously infrequent service and countless hour-long phone calls to Customer Services. They’re sending yet another technician to my apartment. In a week and a half. Ahem. Posts may be few and far between for a while.

Anyway, thanks to the magic of 3G, I want to share with you some awesomeness from my mom’s recent visit. She picked up the most incredible tea towel ever to wrap a present she sent to me a few months ago, not realizing that I would find the towel itself so mind-blowingly wonderful I’d squeal and want it framed and hung in my kitchen. She spent most of her long weekend with me shopping for picture frames, vacuuming my apartment, painting a mirror frame, and helping hang pictures. Because she is really nice to me.

BEHOLD THE MAJESTY.

Yes, that’s correct. A tea towel featuring weight and measurement conversions for everything from inches to centimeters to teaspoons to milliliters to ounces to grams to oven temperatures and basically anything you could ever need to cook anything ever. I love this tea towel SO HARD.

I’M GOING TO COOK ALL THE THINGS. Thanks Mom!

Basque-ing

Posted on September 13, 2012 by Sweets

So I recently scored one of my favorite and most-missed discontinued styles, the “Antoinette” basque by Masquerade, on eBay. I love this thing. I love it hard. I don’t regret purchasing it one bit, because it makes me feel glamorous and gorgeous, but I confess that, as a single cat lady, it was probably destined to sit in my drawer, waiting for a special occasion. The cups are padded and would show under some of my work clothes, and half-cup styles make me feel wobbly and perilous. I have long legs and I’m a fast walker; I like a little more support on a daily basis. As soon as I purchased it, it became fantasy lingerie, for some lovely, mythical day in the future.

“Antoinette” Basque by Masquerade. For when I, too, find myself in a swanky location, wandering around in my scanties by moonlight, fully made-up with sexy hair.

Hmm. This sounds not unlike the planning for the future as a substitute for living in the moment that I have been working to fix. Good to know that’s going well.

Seraphine gave us an assignment for class this week designed to nudge us out of our comfort zones: for our free dance at the end of class, we should wear something we wouldn’t ordinarily feel confident or comfortable in, or we should dance to music that was unlike the music we’d typically choose or feel attracted to. I thought about this assignment all week. I thought about music, about going through teachers’ playlists to find something new and challenging, about asking friends for suggestions. I didn’t really consider clothing: I wasn’t going to spend more money on stupid pole dancing clothes (Haaaaa, jk, see below), and of course unbeknownst to me my Crazy was going “yikes, I really, really don’t want to do that assignment.” And then I forgot about it and overslept the day of class and wound up flinging a handful of random things into my bag and dashing out the door. One of those things was my basque.

On to the FEELINGS: I see my therapist before I go pole dancing, so Tuesdays are just a great big feelings-fest.

Sweets, on a Tuesday

I told her about the assignment, and said I wasn’t really sure what I was going to wear. I showed her the basque, and launched into all the reasons why I didn’t want to wear it: sheer panels, boning, too much boob on display, skin rolls, etc. She told me to stop messing around and to dance in the damned thing. At the least I could test it for suitability as pole-dancing attire in my capacity as Lingerie Blogger Extraordinaire, and there was a chance I’d also, you know, learn something by oh, I don’t know, stepping outside my comfort zone. Y’all, I talk a lot of talk here about your body being fantastic just as it is. It’s a BODY. It’s lovely! I’ve talked about how the need to banish jiggling flesh is totally arbitrary and silly and illogical. Bodies come in so many shades of gorgeous: long, petite, slim, curvacious, hard, soft, smooth, speckled, firm, wrinkled. I KNOW this, and I’ve SAID this, but it seems I still have trouble walking the walk.

So I went to S Factor, bought myself a pair of black briefs with attached suspenders (oh, look who wasn’t gonna buy new pole dancing nonsense (but also they’re really great)), and hooked up my basque. I looked in the mirror. I decided to see that my hair was kind of flattened from being in a ponytail and my face was pale and shiny and my elbows have these weird dry patches and my hips were fleshier than normal, and, well, you get the gist. I chose to see those things, instead of to see an otherwise happy and healthy body that was ready to go work her ass off. SIGH. I pulled on a t-shirt over the basque and went to class.

So, first of all, some review-type things: The bra part is outstanding: great rounded shape, dramatic lift, and very supportive, especially since the cups are cut quite low. I’m not even crazy about padded or molded cups, and I think this thing is just dandy, which makes me all the sadder that the style has been discontinued. Bring it back, extend the size range, make it a touch longer in the torso, add suspenders, and I would be in heaven. That being said, y’all, don’t take a dance class in a basque. Seriously. I should have done the first part of class in a sports bra and changed just for my dance.

For starters, um, sweat. Also, my back is pretty flexible, and a lot of our warm-up, work-out, and pole tricks encourage embracing said flexibility. The soft bones in the bodice are lovely and provide gentle shaping, but they bend with you, and then when you straighten up, the bones stay bent and dig into you. I felt a little weird doing push-ups, plows, and ab work in a piece of serious lingerie, and I felt a little limited in my dance and in what pole tricks I could do. I knew the basque would bend and dig into me if I got too footloose or it would shift a bit so that my belly popped out, so I wasn’t as free in my dancing as I have been in the past. I didn’t want to curl up or fold myself in half because the bones were pressing into my torso (related: am now deeply curious about how professional ballet tutus are constructed, because them ladies are bendy, so how does that work?). Also, the obvious: you can’t go upside down. I thought maybe I’d be able to, because the bra part is so great and supportive, and when I was dancing in a corner during someone else’s song I gave it a try, and . . . let’s just say, Gravity! It Works! I like inverting; it’s one of the reasons pole dancing can be really freeing and fun, because you feel like a kid playing on a playground, so it’s sort of a bummer to miss out on that aspect of it.

MORE FEELINGS:

I chose to dance to a song I’ve danced to a few times before that makes me feel fantastic: “Sail” by AWOLNATION. I took my t-shirt off and immediately felt self-conscious—Hello, bosom. I also kind of felt . . . sexy. Reminder: there are no mirrors in the S Factor studios, and the lights are down super, super low. I kind of felt, well, like the model in the product shot above. My dance was less gymnastic than usual, and once I chickened out on something because I was pretty sure one boob was gonna make a run for it, but I felt . . . not dumb. It felt kind of nice, the air and the floor and the pole against my bare skin. When I finished, Seraphine asked me how I thought it went, and I began to natter on LIKE I’M ALWAYS SAYING YOU SHOULDN’T about how My Belly and My Boobs and I Felt Weird–

She, wisely, interrupted me. “You should not be wearing baggy t-shirts in this class any more. My god, this was the first time you really owned your sensational boobs. It’s very sexy, it’s very vulnerable, and we’re finding a very deep, sensual, darker version of you. It’s mature and it’s real and it’s you. Stop covering that up.”

I have ALWAYS covered up. I reject certain styles of bras, certain clothes, certain design elements because it’s been so firmly ingrained in me to deflect attention away from my chest, LO, MY TERRIBLE CHEST, whether out of concern for modesty, “proportion and balance”, protecting myself from street comments, whatever. The fact of the matter is I fall pretty smack in the middle of the full-bust size range, in terms of both band and cup, so I know that A) I’m not alone and B) there are women on either side of the size range around me who look lovely, so why can’t I allow the same for myself? Habits, yo. They’re hard to break.

As Amy Poehler so wisely reminds us this week, we need to talk to ourselves like we’d talk to our daughters, our nieces, our friends, our little sisters. We need to see the beauty in ourselves just like we’d see it in them, and to love and honor that beauty. Ordinarily after a class like Tuesday’s I’d be all bent out of shape and beating myself up for Letting Down the Side with My Negative Feelings, but I actually feel pretty good. I took a risk. I shed some layers. I made a list of things my body can do, after all, and I chose to believe Seraphine when she gave me feedback, rather than assume she was “just being nice” to me. Her job isn’t to be nice. It’s to teach. If I go through my life constantly thinking about how to hide an aspect of my body, be it my size, shape, skin color, scars, or age, I’ll go through life hiding a part of me. Hiding a part of my spirit. And I’ll also be wasting brain space on worrying about hiding it, when I could be wasting brain space on Arrested Development re-runs. I mean, deep thoughts. Yep.

Sweet Nothing Du Jour: 9/10/12

Posted on September 10, 2012 by Sweets

Invest in Your Chest tagged a lingerie company called Beaujais on Facebook today, and like a chump, I clicked over.

“Sweet Nothings” set in Teal, also available in a beautiful blush pink and a bright magenta. Available in sizes 28-36 D-GG, as well as custom orders of additional sizes (26-backs, larger cups, etc.)

HELLO, MY DARLING.

File this one under “The Lottery, When I Win.”

Rant for a Monday

Posted on September 10, 2012 by Sweets

So the always-on-the-alert Georgina at Fuller Figure Fuller Bust recently brought a ground-breaking piece of investigative journalism to my attention (sarcasm alert). Read it. It’ll take you like 30 seconds, and probably only kill 5 brain cells.

You’re back?

Hoooooooooookay. Y’all. I’m trying to be calm and measured in my response to this. But can we get the obvious out of the way first? This “article” is COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT.

Now, let’s get down to it:

First of all, a woman’s bra size is her own business.

Second, unless you are an experienced, professional bra fitter who is not employed by Victoria’s Secret, you will not be able to tell a woman’s bra size on sight.

Third, celebrities have been known to lie about clothing sizes before. Probably to avoid being stigmatized and shamed in crap articles on the internet like, oh, I don’t know, this one. So even if this article has been fact-checked (haaaaaaaaaaa!), it’s probably still only an accurate reflection of either A) the lie the celebrity/celebrity’s people told or B) the (incorrect) size the celebrity buys because she doesn’t know better.

Fourth, the alphabet doesn’t end at D.

Fifth, a bigger number doesn’t mean your boobs are OMG huge. The number part of a bra size represents the approximate dimensions of your ribcage. Everyone’s different, of course, but generally your band size will be around +/-1-2 inches of your underbust measurement, if it differs from your underbust measurement at all. Many of the celebrities pictured in this article are curvy, yes, but they also have slim waists and narrow ribcages compared to their busts and hips. I’m going to contradict myself and size them (partially) on sight, but I would guess more of them are in the 28-32 band size range rather than the 34-36 range.

Sixth, articles like this perpetuate the myth that D-cup bras are enormous and shocking. Y’all, no matter the number/letter on the tag, your boobs are not shocking. They’re your boobs, and they’re totally lovely (they really are. Small, large, veiny, perky, droopy, stretch-marked, scarred, whatever: they are a part of you, but they do not define you). There are over 100 different bra sizes readily available for sale all over the internet. Very slim women can wear D-K-cup bras, full-figured women can wear A-C cup bras, and vice versa. Your overall shape or clothing size in no way dictates your bra size.

Seventh, this article is sexist and size-ist. It seems to be measuring female pop stars’ merits by the size of their chests, reducing their bodies to one isolated physical trait, and ridiculing anyone who dares to have excess flesh like the unfortunate gentleman in the last picture. Haha, you’re so hilarious, article writer. Really, shame the man for having boobs. Guess who has boobs? EVERYONE. BECAUSE WE ARE MAMMALS. IT’S SCIENCE.

Eighth, I remind you again that bra sizes, and indeed clothing sizes in general, are arbitrary. They are averages. They are mass-production conveniences created for manufacturers and retailers and, in an ideal world, for shoppers, so that we can guess at our best fit. The use of standardized sizes streamlines the retail process, but it’s not Divine Writ. Fit and size vary from brand to brand, item to item, and even sometimes from color to color. Sizes don’t define us as types of human beings. We are more than our clothing sizes, and we are more than our bra sizes.

In a world before mass-production, clothes were literally made-to-measure, and we had to find things to obsess over and fetishize other than our clothing sizes, because there was no such thing as a “size 4” or a “size 18”. I absolutely and 100% do not care what size you wear, and I’m working hard not to care what size I wear. I care about fit. Your clothes should fit you well and make you feel good. Period. People will want to size-shame you, probably because they have unresolved issues of their own or because all they see are idiotic articles like this one, which they accept as gospel truth. They will tell you that a size 10, 12, 22, whatever is “fat”. They’ll tell you that a size 0 is “anorexic.” They’ll tell you that “A-cups don’t count.” They are full of it. You wear what size fits you, supports you, and makes you look and feel fabulous.

* * * * *

Further reading: Busts 4 Justice’s excellent post on the idiocy of cup-size shaming by a lingerie shop

Anise Ice Cream

Posted on September 8, 2012 by Sweets

When I serve this ice cream to other people they usually do a little bit of a double-take upon hearing the name. For some it’s a flavor they’ve never heard of, and for others it’s a flavor that is a little intimidating. Anise, licorice, and fennel can be polarizing; lots of people either love them or hate them. I fall into the middle: I adore roasted fennel, abhor black licorice (Trader Joe’s Strawberry Licorice, on the other hand . . . I can’t buy it anymore. It’s fiercely addictive. Don’t say I didn’t warn you), and I LOVE Anise Ice Cream.

The technique used here is classic and infinitely adaptable: you make a standard French egg-based custard, but you infuse some of the cream and milk with anise seeds and then strain them out before freezing. You can also replace the anise with your favorite herb or spice to create unusual and delicious ice creams. I’d recommend trying dried lavender blossoms (particularly since this recipe calls for a bit of honey, and lavender + honey is a lovely combo), fresh ginger, cinnamon sticks, halved vanilla beans, or fresh herbs like basil, rosemary, or mint. I’ve even used Earl Grey tea leaves to make Earl Grey ice cream that is out of this world (want to make Earl Grey truffles? Same technique (infusion+straining) applies). The end result is rich and creamy, yes, but the sophisticated flavors lend some major elegance. Anise has a delicate, exotic flavor that pairs sensuously with dark chocolate. This ice cream plus Chocolate Wafers from Smitten Kitchen make for delicious homemade ice cream sandwiches, and if you have some good bittersweet or semisweet chocolate on hand, Anise Stracciatella Ice Cream (see tips at the end of the recipe) will rock your world. Promise.

Anise Ice Cream
from The Perfect Scoop by David Lebovitz

2 tsp. anise seeds
2 c. heavy cream (divided)
1 c. whole milk
2/3 c. granulated sugar
1 1/2 tbsp. good-flavored honey
pinch of salt
5 egg yolks

In a medium saucepan, toast the anise seeds over medium-low heat until they’re fragrant and lightly toasted (about 2-3 minutes). Add 1 c. cream, milk, sugar, salt, and honey and stir until sugar is dissolved and mixture is warm. Cover pan, remove from heat, and allow the mixture to steep for an hour at room temperature.

Fill a large mixing bowl with ice cubes and set aside. Get out a gallon-size heavy-duty ziplock bag and place it in a large measuring cup or medium bowl. Pour the remaining 1 c. cream into the bag-in-the-bowl/measuring-cup and set a mesh strainer on top (depending on the ingredient you’re infusing, it may help to line the strainer with cheesecloth, just to catch any stray bits). In a small bowl, whisk together the egg yolks.

Return the anise/milk/cream mixture to the stove over medium heat and re-warm. Slowly whisk the warm milk/cream mixture into the egg yolks, being sure to whisk all the while so the eggs don’t cook. Pour the custard base back into the saucepan and heat until the mixture reaches approximately 165-168 degrees Fahrenheit and coats the back of a spoon, stirring constantly. Immediately remove from heat and pour through the mesh strainer into the ziplock bag with the remaining 1 c. of cream. Discard the anise seeds. Press as much air as possible out of the ziplock bag, seal it, place in bowl with ice cubes, pour a few more ice cubes on top, add some cold water, and leave to chill while you wash dishes/tidy up/make cookies/what have you. Once the mixture is quite cold (about 40 minutes-1 hour), freeze in your ice cream maker according to the manufacturer’s instructions.

Transfer the semi-frozen ice cream to an airtight container and press a layer of parchment paper against the surface (air contact = ice crystals, so you always want to make sure the surface of your ice cream is completely covered) before sealing tightly. Place in freezer for a few hours until firm (or eat right away while it’s a melty milkshakey mess- yum).

To make ice cream sandwiches:

You’ll want to do some prep work while your ice cream is freezing. If I’m making a bunch of these (they make a really fun dinner party dessert), I’ve found it’s helpful to clear out my freezer space so that I have enough room to put my cooling racks in there. Set out several sheets of parchment paper cut to fit either the cooling rack or a cookie sheet. Pair up the cookies of your choice (again, these are SO GOOD with almost any ice cream flavor imaginable) and lay the cookie pairs out on the parchment paper. Once your ice cream is done freezing, immediately and quickly begin spooning generous tablespoons of soft ice cream onto one cookie, topping the ice cream with another cookie and pressing together gently. As soon as a cookie sheet or cooling rack is filled, place it in the freezer before moving on to the next one. Allow the sandwiches to sit in the freezer for an hour or two to firm up before plating, wrapping, or serving (the cookies will soften the longer the sandwiches rest in the freezer, so I like to make mine the day before I plan to serve them).

To make stracciatella ice creams:

“Stracciatella” (stracciatelle is the Italian word for “little flakes”, and “real” Stracciatella is an Italian egg-drop soup that’s made by pouring a stream of whisked eggs into boiling broth, which cooks the eggs) is a fancy way of saying “chocolate chip”, but instead of just dumping chocolate chips into ice cream so that they become hard, frozen, tooth-breaking nuggets, you pour a thin stream of melted chocolate into semi-frozen ice cream, stirring all the while. The chocolate freezes upon contact with the ice cream and then crackles into thin slivers and flakes as you stir it in. This is one of my favorite quick ways to fancy up homemade ice cream: you don’t have to get out more bowls and pots and pans and thermometers to make a fudge ripple or a fruit sauce, you just melt chocolate in a measuring cup in the microwave and stir it into the ice cream. Easy-peasy.

Chop about 5 oz. of good-quality semi-sweet or bittersweet chocolate (not chocolate chips). Melt the chocolate, either in a double boiler or in the microwave. There are two ways to tackle the next step, and both are equally messy:

1. While the ice cream maker is still turning, but the ice cream is about ready to transfer to the freezer, pour the melted chocolate slowly into the opening in the lid. You may have to stop the mixer a few times to scrape chocolate off the dasher or lid or to stir a bit with a spatula, but work as quickly as possible. The churning of the ice cream maker will break up the chocolate as it freezes.

2. Transfer a few scoops of semi-frozen ice cream to a container, drizzle some of the melted chocolate over top, stir, and repeat.

Regardless of the method you choose, you WILL get melted chocolate and ice cream all over creation. You will also wind up with a luscious homemade ice cream studded with flecks and streaks of chocolate. It’s so worth it.

Falling in Love Basque. From Fräulein Annie’s Facebook page, a sneak peek of a photo shoot for 2013.

For our lingerie pairing, I’m turning again to Fräulein Annie, a brand I mentioned in the shapewear post. I can’t get the Falling in Love range out of my head. Falling in Love is a Fräulein Annie continuity style, which means it will always be available in certain colors and certain sizes from season to season. This stunning Pearl Grey/Ivory colorway is one of them. Fräulein Annie’s collections are designed to offer multiple pieces to suit different figure types and sizes. For example, there is a shaping suspender, with boning and powermesh, which will fit women with curvy hips and rears, whereas women with straighter figures or narrower hips might prefer the waist cincher. The bra is available in a padded balconette style for sizes 32-38 A-D and an unlined underwired balconette style for sizes 32-38 DD-G (UK). A short, thong, and basque (A-DD cups) complete the set. While the prices are higher than, say, Freya or Panache, they’re extraordinarily reasonable considering the level of thought and care that’s gone into the design, construction, and even business model. All garments are constructed with both beauty and longevity in mind– this is lingerie to treasure and keep. It helps that it looks incredible. The pale colors pair beautifully with our ice cream, and the luxurious, elegant details echo the sophistication of the ice cream’s infused flavor. I’m having a miserable time finding a US retailer with this colorway in stock, but it’s available for purchase at Fusspot Lingerie and Amazon.co.uk, and there should be more US retailers in coming seasons. For more info on Fräulein Annie, go check out Hourglassy‘s and Fuller Figure Fuller Bust‘s interviews with Frauke Nagel, the designer and mastermind behind this exciting new brand.

Falling in Love Waist Cincher and Small-Bust Bra.

Falling in Love full-bust bra, thong, and shaping suspender.

The Autumn/Winter 2012 Collection Film, inspired by Hitchcock

Compliments, Again

Posted on September 6, 2012 by Sweets

I keep thinking about compliments and our reactions to them. I’ve been having a hard time accepting compliments recently (well, actually, ever) without some twinge of discomfort, whether I’m aware of the discomfort or not. For a while I thought compliments themselves made me feel bad about myself (which makes sooo much sense), but then I realized that it was just my particular brand of Crazy making sure that my knee-jerk reaction to a positive thought or comment would always be a “yeah, but”. Crazy paved that road a little too well, y’all; I’m STILL dealing with it. I’ll look in the mirror and think, “Oooh, look at your skin! It’s behaving so well! How nice,” only for my brain to go “yeah, but YOUR NOSE IS GETTING WEIRD. PROBABLY AN AGING THING.” In other words, my default is not to accept a compliment, but to let it fly right by so that Crazy has room to work.

I read a lot on the internet about how to talk and think about sensitive issues: race, religion, sexuality, body image, class differences, different abilities, illness and wellness, etc. Sometimes I hit a pocket of the internet that saddens and freaks me out, but mostly I hope I’ve learned some really good and inspiring things, things that improve my understanding and open my mind to other ways of seeing the world and the people in it. I once read somewhere (and I can’t remember where now, of course) a question on a blog about “appropriate” compliments: how do you give one without risking offense?

For example, saying “Oooh, you’ve lost weight! You look amazing, and I’m so jealous” to someone who might be coping with a private illness that resulted in the weight loss has the potential to wound deeply where the compliment-giver meant only to praise. Or what if the recipient is proud of her weight loss, but she struggles with a person in her life who constantly expresses jealousy? That little jokey “I’m so jealous!” tag-on could feel like more than a joke. The blogger responded with the suggestion to make sure your compliment is 1) for the benefit of the recipient, and not the giver and 2) aimed at what someone DOES, not what someone IS. Congratulate someone on a successful project at work, thank her for some help she’d provided, mention how much you love how she accessorized her uniform, or praise her for her skills at Taboo, rather than blurting out “you’re so tall!” or “I wish I had your shiny hair”.

Well, I thought this suggestion was pretty genius. I still think it is; who wouldn’t want to be praised for her accomplishments? But in the last few months, when I’ve been having to work harder to get through the Crazy, I decided it would be best to take it one step farther: no compliments at all. I found myself loading any compliments or comments directed at me with meanings I’m sure the giver never intended. Were they comparing me with themselves? What weren’t they saying about me? Were they silently judging me? How dare they invade my privacy by noticing me! (Sweets, no one is as obsessed with you as you are. They’re all too busy obsessing over themselves.) Over the course of several months I stopped wearing certain shoes to work, because I knew I’d have to fend off multiple comments about them throughout the day. I gradually decreased the amount of makeup I wore to my bare minimum, because I felt like when I tried to mix up my routine or experiment with a new color, all I’d hear all day long was “oooh, you got a date tonight?” I stopped curling my hair occasionally, because I didn’t want to have to respond to “Are you growing your hair out?” over and over again. The comments were all positive, but I was feeling cornered, trapped, and exposed every time one of them came up. I repeated outfits and wrapped up in scarves, because I was terrified someone would comment on my changing figure. I thought I’d just feel easier about life if no one ever talked to me about anything I was or did ever again. I guess we’d all just talk about the weather.

I announced my brilliant No Compliments Manifesto to my therapist, ending with a comment about how it all tied back to my dislike of cat-calling, because a cat-call is a comment about what someone IS (booby, thin, pretty, bootylicious, etc.), not what she DOES (getting off the train, going to the grocery store, etc.), and waited for my therapist to praise my progressiveness and respect for personal pivacy. Instead, she said “Isn’t it interesting that over the last few months you’ve tried to make yourself invisible? I think we should talk about that instead.”

Oh.

She was right. I was building up an anonymous online identity (well, anonymous except to my Facebook friends. Sorry about all the boobs in your newsfeeds, fellas), carefully removing any personal information that got a little too specific. I was struggling with a changing body: I have new muscles in some places and new curves in others. I was dealing with getting older and job ennui and loneliness. I didn’t want to be seen, because it would expose me to potential evaluation and judgment, so I tried to move through my daily life completely unnoticed. No wonder I was trapped in my own head.

* * * * *

Clearly, there’s middle ground. We don’t have to limit ourselves to discussing the weather. We also don’t have to scrutinize each other’s bodies and outfits and hair and nails and every little detail. I’m going to have to let some of my defenses down to get to that middle ground. I don’t want to feel (Crazily) bothered by compliments from, say, my fellow dancers. We cheer and praise and whistle and applaud for each other; we honor each other’s accomplishments, and it feels good to be on both sides of that give-and-take. I want to be in a place where I accept compliments, and where I can THANK my friends, fellow dancers, or co-workers for their generosity. Look, a compliment does mean that someone has noticed something about you. Yes, you have drawn attention. It does NOT necessarily mean that someone has analyzed, evaluated, and judged you. When I compliment my fellow dancers on their openness in their dance, or my friends on their haircut or on how nice they look, yes, I’m noticing something about them physically, but I’m not honoring just that physical thing. I’m responding to something in their spirit, aura, mood, energy, soul, call it what you will, that has revealed itself. I’m responding to a joy, a brightness, an openness, a loveliness about them as whole people that has attracted my attention, and not responding just to them as bodies.

Our bodies are wonderful things—this summer’s Olympics and Paralympics are proof of that. Every hug, every laugh, every smile is proof. Our bodies are also the vessels that hold our joy, our laughter, our smiles, our loves, our courage, our tenacity, our strengths. We shouldn’t honor one without honoring the other.

Also, your friends love you.

Sweet Nothings

Monthly Archives: September 2012