Tag Archives: Bra sizes

Bra Shopping in New York: Some Reports from the Trenches

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As part of my homework for The Fab Fit Academy, I have to fit and interview 5-10 “customers” a week.  As I don’t currently work in retail, this means scheduling some time with volunteers who will let me take them to a department store and fit them there using the store’s inventory.  This weekend saw me tackle my first “real” fittings, following the Fab Fit guidelines.  The ladies who volunteered were so lovely and generous, they asked all the right questions that helped me remember what questions I was supposed to be asking them, and we found new sizes and styles for almost everyone.  The fittees were fab, but the stores?  I have some notes.

***

I first want to talk about some experiences I had shopping recently with a bride-to-be.  We spent one epic weekend together with her maid-of-honor dress shopping, and then another day this past-weekend lingerie shopping.  We started at David’s Bridal, which I don’t mind naming, because the one in Manhattan?  Seriously, they did a great job.  They greeted her warmly, didn’t make a big deal out of the fact that the wedding is in June, looked at some images she’d printed off the website, guided her to a dressing room (and the MOH and me to comfy seats), and started bringing her dresses.  They complimented her figure.  They listened to her thoughts and wants and feedback.  They brought her veils and headpieces to try on and discussed shoe choices with her.  We had a large, open, mirrored space outside the dressing rooms where she could see herself in a large mirror and even practice walking down the aisle to see how the dress would move.  They brought her six or seven dresses to try, and she loved the way she looked in most of them.  The dresses were unusual, flattering, stylish, and beautiful.  She had been a bit nervous, as many full-bust women are when they go shopping after years of being told their boobs are problematic, but she left looking and feeling pretty and hopeful, with two gorgeous dresses at the top of her list.

***

The following day we had an early morning appointment at a very, very well-known large Manhattan bridal salon.  I won’t name it, but it’s on TV.  You know which one I’m talking about.  Roommate and I used to sit in the living room watching the show in which it features, eating peanut butter apples and cheetohs, and yelling at the television.  My friend was fairly certain the shop was way out of her budget, but she’d never had the opportunity to try on really big, grand dresses, and she thought “I’m getting married, why not?” Well, here’s why not.

They criticized her wedding date.  They criticized the dress picks she’d printed off the website.  When the fitter asked for my friend’s bra size and my friend gave it to her, the fitter wrinkled her nose and said, “Oh, well, most of these dresses are fitted to DDs at the most, so they probably won’t fit, you’ll have to have LOTS of alterations.”  Instead of bringing a few dresses to the fitting room for my friend to try, she herded us to the stock room and watched as we went through piles of dresses wrapped in plastic bags, static filling our hair.  A few dresses in hand, we went back to the dressing room, where I watched my friend’s face go from excited to anxious, as the fitter said, “Well, this one’s too small,” “well, you didn’t tell me what you wanted, so we got this one,” “this one will need alterations,” “why don’t you like this one, it’s a really popular dress?”  We were herded back to the stockroom, to look for more dresses, my friend barefoot in a bathrobe, barely holding back tears of frustration.  The fitter was cold, discouraging, and critical.  She refused to bring any accessories for my friend, saying “there’s a five-month lead time on tiaras, so what’s the point?  You can’t buy any of them.”  We fled.

***

This past weekend, we went to both locations of a prominent Manhattan lingerie boutique, to look for a longline strapless bra or basque for my friend to wear under her gown.  She’d looked online and picked out two styles she was interested in, and I found them available at this well-known store, run by a self-styled “Braducator” who recently caused a stir in the lingerie community by claiming that modern bras are vanity-sized.  I took major issue at the time with her language as well as her logic, but she’s been a pioneer in the lingerie industry, knows a great deal about fitting, and stocks a wide range of brands, so I figured her stores would be great places to seek out hard-to-find styles and sizes.

At both stores we were greeted coolly and uninterestedly.  At both stores we were told to make appointments and come back later, although at the second store it turned out they were able to fit us in right away.  At both stores we were told “Oh, we only have two styles in THAT size.”  At the second store my friend was able to try the bras on, but not in the correct sizes.  It was only when she said “this band feels loose” or “this cup feels small” that the fitter agreed that “another size would be better, but they didn’t have it in stock.”  If my friend wanted to buy the wrong size, they could alter it for her for $5.  The fitter was kind, and used encouraging, non-judgmental language, but she certainly didn’t offer much in the way of “braducation.”  My friend wears a size that is in no way unusual in terms of full-bust brands (D-G cup size, middle-of-the-range band size), but even if she did wear a more unusual size, she didn’t deserve to be treated like a problem that needed to be solved.  My friend went to a different NYC boutique, got fitted into the proper size, and spent her money there.

***

I spent much of the weekend on the lingerie floor of a major NYC department store, fitting friends with a nice diversity of sizes and body types.  During the maybe seven hours I spent at this store, I was approached once by a sales associate to ask if I needed any assistance.  I saw a sales associate in the fitting room a total of one time.  Another customer flagged me down because she’d heard me fitting my friends and wanted help, but she couldn’t get a sales associate to assist her.  I overheard more women asking for 36Bs than is statistically likely, and if I had to size them on site I would have put ALL of them in significantly smaller band sizes and significantly larger cup sizes to get a better fit.  The sales associates, when asked for these sizes, never inquired if the customer had had a bra fitting or if she’d be interested in one; one sales associate responded “I wear a 36B too!  It’s the most common size.”  Sales associates did not know the differences in international cup sizing systems, let alone the cup size progressions for each brand (so they couldn’t have advised a customer on fit adjustment even if they’d tried), and they didn’t seem to understand me when I’d approach to ask if a sister size was in stock (ex., I’d ask for a 32G instead of a 34FF, and they’d say “oh, but if it’s too big you’ll want a 34E.”)  This department store is better than many in New York, in that it stocks a few styles from the Eveden full-bust brands and a few from Panache, but the size runs were bizarre: three 36DDs, five 38GGs, four 38Ds, one 32G, one 36F.  A customer has no opportunity to try on sister sizes to get the best fit, as in all likelihood her sister size isn’t available.  G+ cups below a 36 band?  Rare.  28 and 30 bands, in any cup size?  Nonexistant– this store doesn’t stock them at all.  We all agreed afterwards: if you wear a 34C or 36B, you can find anything you want here.  If you wear ANY other size, larger or smaller, you will be disappointed.

***

This weekend was a really important wake-up call for me.  I KNOW how hard it is to find my particular size in store, but I also know an enormous amount about the brands, sizes, and styles that are available in the United States (TANGENT: have you been reading Miss Underpinnings’ reports from her recent trip to Poland to explore Polish full-bust brands?  Because you should).  I’ve been fitting myself and doing it well for a good four years now, and I choose to shop primarily online, where I am guaranteed to find a wide selection of styles in my size that suit my taste and budget.  I forgot that it’s hard out there for a lady, no matter her size.

I keep saying “Oh, it’s so much better now than was five years ago,” and to some extent it’s true.  Major US department stores like Nordstrom, Saks, Bloomingdales, and Lord & Taylor are starting to stock petite, full-bust, and (pretty!) full-figure brands in their stores, and some are even– GASP– starting to stock them online as well.  Whereas the statistic used to claim that the average bra size was a 36C, now it claims that the average size is a 36DD.  I think it’s great that we’re coming around to the idea that the average bra size might be a size outside the “Bra Matrix” (32-38 A-D), but I suspect 36DD is still an inaccurate reporting.  If the bulk of American lingerie sales are taking place in department stores and That One Mall Store That Shall Not Be Named, then I suspect the bulk of American lingerie shoppers are buying the wrong size.  The average American doesn’t always know to turn to the internet or her local independent boutique– she goes to Dillard’s or Macy’s or J. C. Penney’s or Target. If our department stores aren’t leading the way, we’re still falling behind.

***

I fitted a very slim woman with a very petite bust, a fuller-figure full-bust woman, two average-to-full-bust women, and one full-bust woman (D-G).  Three women found new bras they love, one found her new size but nothing that suited her shape or personal style, and the woman with the petite bust was completely sized out.

In all fairness, we didn’t specifically ask for fitting advice in any of the stores we visited.  We didn’t make appointments to spend time with a fitter to evaluate her skills.  At the second boutique location the fitter did measure my friend’s underbust, but in my opinion the measuring tape was neither firm enough nor high enough under her bust, and then of course the fitter brought her the wrong sizes when the right ones weren’t in stock.  I would be interested to go back and evaluate the stores’ fitting services more carefully.  My friend and I may have given the impression that we already knew what we were doing, so perhaps we didn’t give the fitter a chance to show her stuff.

At the end of the day, I’ll forgive a boutique’s receptionist for not pounding her chest and shrieking her fitting knowledge at me the moment walk in the door.  I’ll forgive a department store sales associate who gets flustered trying to figure out the cup size progression for Chantelle when compared to Natori.  I’ll even forgive a store for not stocking a full size run– hey, money is money, and unsold inventory is money poorly spent.  I will NOT forgive bad service.  I will not forgive using shaming tactics to make a sale (i.e. this is the only one that fits, and you’re such a strange size you should just settle for it).  I will not forgive rudeness or a lack of interest.  I will not forgive body shaming or body snark.  I will not forgive a store that claims to offer a fitting service and then trots out the same old Plus Four routine.  I tried both Plus Four and the Fab Fit Technique (terrible oversimplification: measuring the underbust as a starting point and working from there to make sure the bra fits well in the band, strap, cup, center gore) on last week’s volunteers.

Pssst-- this is Plus Four (or five, in this case)

Pssst– this is Plus Four (or five, in this case).  It’s wrong in any case.

I got the results below:

Plus Four:

  1. 34B
  2. 36B
  3. 32A
  4. 38C
  5. 42DD

Fab Fit:

  1. 32DDD/E, 30F
  2. 32DDD/E
  3. 30A (estimate)
  4. 34FF/32G
  5. 36FF

This is why good bra fitting matters.  It matters in terms of comfort and support for the customer, of course, but it also matters in terms of how our stores are run.  We had no problem finding bras in the wrong sizes.  We had a great deal of trouble finding bras in the right ones.  We shouldn’t make ourselves fit the clothes that are available; we deserve to have clothes that fit us.  Bad bra fitting and bad customer service is bad for sales, and it’s bad for the customer.  Until mainstream bra fitting practices change, and until our fitters are educated in order to educate us, we’re going to have a hard time finding bras that make us feel comfortable, pretty, and good about our bodies.

Sweet Nothing Du Jour plus Rapid-Fire Reviews 3/21/13

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You know how sometimes you have lots of awesome things going on at once, like, say, TWO catnip mice and a nice long ribbon to play with? And you get kind of overwhelmed, but you’re still having a rad time? Ruby knows.  Yikes, I will never say “rad” again.  That was weird.

Hey friends.  This isn’t a real post, except to share some good things going on in the world and keeping me busy, which, as The Worst March of Them All (weather-wise) drags on, is a good thing.

**

Big News: I’m currently enrolled in a bra-fit certification program led by Ali Cudby, author of Busted!, which I reviewed last year when I started this blog and absolutely adored.  I had the privilege of meeting her at CurveNY, and I had every intention of asking her intelligent, pointed questions about her career, the lingerie industry, consumer empowerment, the importance of bras to a woman’s self-esteem and self-image, and that sort of thing.  Instead we talked about Bravissimo and our favorite bras.  Whoops.  Anyway, she’s lovely, warm, and incredibly knowledgeable, and the course is a wonderful reminder that women come in all shapes, our bra sizes are not set in stone and do not define us as people, and that no matter how we feel about our bodies or what we might be led to believe by the media/our own inner demons, there ARE bras out there for each and every one of us that will make us feel good.  I’m really enjoying the opportunity to hone my bra fitting technique and especially to learn how to fit women who aren’t, you know, me.

The FabFit Academy is a new venture designed to improve the fit skills and customer service of boutique owners and employees.  As such, it assumes course members have access to actual customers, and the homework assignments require questioning and fitting multiple women each week.  As I work a full-time emphatically-non-lingerie job, my free time is dedicated to convincing my poor friends to let me see their boobs.

**

Speaking of work, I know it’s boring when people are all “oh my gosh, so sorry, work has been CRAZY lately,” but seriously, work has been CRAZY lately.  Late nights, weekends, sigh, etc.  Anticipate having free time to do laundry/cook real food/blog in two months or so.

**

When I’m NOT at the office or looking at boobs, I’m in my kitchen.  One of my neighbors, a gorgeous, insanely talented, immensely generous woman who’s been my friend pretty much since I moved to New York, is getting married in June and has asked me to make her cake.  I am flattered and honored to have been asked, and I’m so excited for her and her fiance.  So naturally I, being a fool, chirped “oh of course!”, forgetting that I have shaky hands and usually decorate cakes by swirling the frosting and calling it a day.  I’m currently keeping dairy farmers in the New York area afloat while I make sample cakes, curds, and frostings, test my decorating skills, and seek out new recipes.  So far my freezer is 2/3 full, I’m two cakes and two lemon curds in, and I have only messed up one of each.  Yep, I’m professional.  Also, can I borrow ten dozen eggs and eighty pounds of sugar?

**

You know how at least once a year you run out of everything at once, and you have to restock shampoo, conditioner, soap, lotion, that face wash you’re convinced is overpriced nonsense, deodorant, razor blades, Q-tips, mascara, foundation, chapstick, tampons, hairspray, toothpaste, and nail polish remover in one fell swoop, and it leaves you financially shell-shocked and horrified and you resolve to stop grooming forever, but then it’s SO NICE having real shampoo instead of a watered-down bottle and real mascara instead of ditto?  I just replaced a bunch of bras that were super, incredibly tired, and while I still feel sort of “gah you just had to buy a new computer and you still have to buy 1,302 sticks of butter before June, slow your roll,” oh MAN are these new bras nice.

Rapid-Fire Reviews:

Starburst Bra by Bravissimo

Starburst Bra by Bravissimo. £29.00, available in sizes 28-38 DD-J (UK). Matching brief and thong, sizes XS-2XL.

Starburst Bra by Bravissimo. £29.00, available in sizes 28-38 DD-J (UK). Matching brief and thong, sizes XS-2XL.

Hot damn, I’ve been looking for a bra like this for a long time now.  Bravissimo’s own brand bras seem to suit me really, really well.  First Lola Luxe, then Boudoir Beau (pretty please more colors, Bravissimo?), and now this cutie, a star-spangled, unpadded plunge bra.  The band closes with three sets of three hooks-and-eyes, and that extra depth gives nice, smooth support.  The shape is lovely and rounded, the wires aren’t too wide-set, and there’s enough room in the top of the cup that the plunging neckline doesn’t cut into my full breasts.  It’s not a super-push-up bra, but I’d say it’s a fair cross between Freya’s Deco and Panache’s Tango plunge in terms of cleavage– work appropriate so that it won’t show under a button-down or V-neck, but sassy enough for a fun night out.  I wish the stars were slightly bigger, bolder, and starrier, but that’s me; others may appreciate the print’s smaller scale.

Marcie by Cleo

"Marci" by Cleo. Available in sizes 28-38 D-J (UK), briefs sizes 8-18 (UK). Prices vary.

“Marcie” by Cleo. Available in sizes 28-38 D-J (UK), briefs sizes 8-18 (UK). Prices vary.

I don’t have much to add except it’s just as awesome as the last one.  Fabulous color, lovely round, uplifted shape, good for “perky” full boobs, comfy straps, dots, ruffles– what’s not to like?  This shape works incredible well for me, and I love having a mesh bra that’s supportive yet lightweight and cute.  I’m going to try to treat this one a little nicer than my last one and maybe not wear it pole dancing, just to see if I can make it last longer.  I’m hesitating on getting the matching briefs, as freaking adorable as they are, just because they are SO dang low-cut they keep wanting to slip right off my hips.  I may size up to see if it fixes the problem; but I do wish the rise were 2-3 inches higher.

Jasmine by Panache Superbra

"Jasmine" by Panache Superbra, available in sizes 30-38 D-K (UK). Matching brief sizes 8-18 (UK). Price varies.

“Jasmine” by Panache Superbra, available in sizes 30-38 D-K (UK). Matching brief sizes 8-18 (UK). Price varies.

I had heard very, very good things about this bra, and I loved the bird print for Fall/Winter 2012, so when it came time to choose a new “everyday” bra, I decided to try out the pretty new floral print.  Jasmine is very similar to Panache’s classic “Andorra” bra, which I like . . . okay.  Both the plunge and full-cup versions of Andorra sit a little strangely on me, but I really, REALLY like the Jasmine.  The bottom of the cup is laminated for sturdy support, while the top of the cup features the same soft stretch lace as the Andorra, which is so user-friendly for monthly boob fluctuations.  The band closes with three sets of three hooks and eyes, and it just doesn’t budge– I wore it all day Saturday to go wedding-dress shopping with my friend, and I felt comfortable, supported, and pretty (the matching briefs are lovely and comfy).  A+, would buy again, etc.  Panache and I didn’t use to get along, but all of a sudden they’ve become my go-to brands for a good fit and pretty designs.

**

How are YOU?  What’s new in your world?  What is UP with all this rain/snow nonsense?  Anyone else super behind on TV?

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It’s okay Ruby. You’ll catch up on Downton Abbey one day.

What YOU Can Do to Ensure a Good Bra Fitting Experience

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When I laid out my personal ground rules for lingerie boutiques a few weeks ago, I was pleased to hear that many women, customers and store owners alike, agreed with me. One commenter, however, pointed out that I hadn’t mentioned at all that there were things the customer could do to ensure a good experience. She was right! Look, as delightful as it would be to live in a world where no matter your size, you could walk at any time of the day or night into a beautiful, calm, elegant boutique that carried every variety of bra in every size you could conceivably wear in every color or fabric that you adored and where each bra cost $15 or less, the reality is that idea is ABSURD. Boutiques have to make money in order to stay alive, and they simply can’t stock every size and every brand and every style. So while a good boutique will take steps to ensure you have a positive and healthy fitting experience, there are LOTS of things you can to do and ways you can prepare to make sure you get the most out of a bra shopping experience.

Do Some Homework

1. Measure your underbust. Grab a soft measuring tape, take off your bra, and wrap the tape around your underbust, keeping the tape parallel to the floor all the way around your body. Look at the number (in inches), and write it down. Maybe you’ve never been fitted before in your life. Maybe you are 100% certain that your Victoria’s Secret bra is the right size. Maybe you suspect that your bra is terrible, but you’re not sure how to go about making it better. Maybe you DO know quite a lot about bra fitting, but you’re not happy with your current bra and you’re not quite sure why. Maybe you’ve recently lost or gained weight or you’ve gotten pregnant or you’ve just had a baby or you’ve added a new exercise routine, and everything just feels a little OFF. Whatever the reason, it’s a good idea to go into a fitting with an idea of your raw underbust measurement. As we know, the band supplies 80-90% of your bust’s support. If your band doesn’t fit, there’s no way the rest of the bra can be made to fit. Now, the measurement doesn’t mean that it’s definitely, 100% your band size. Many women need to try smaller numbers, and many women, particularly slim women with petite busts, do find that they need to add inches (Claire at Butterfly Collection wrote a great post explaining why, in fact, adding inches can be beneficial for SOME women). However, a store that automatically starts you off in a size several numbers higher than your measurement, especially if you think you may be a full-bust (D+) customer, is a store to be wary of. Knowing your raw underbust measurement empowers you to get a sense of the store’s fitting abilities right off the bat.

Thanks to Venusian Glow for finding this adorable get-started Measuring Kit! Click the picture to find out how to buy.

Thanks to Venusian Glow for finding this adorable get-started Measuring Kit! Click the picture to find out how to buy.

2. Check your labels. Do you have a bra that fits you well (or pretty well) and feels good that you like the look of under your clothes? Make sure you know the (1) brand name and (2) the size. You’ll be able to ask to see other styles from the same manufacturer, and you’ll have a starting point size that you can adjust as you go along.

3. Use the internet. Google the brand name of any bras you like. Look at the other styles available. Go to the brand’s official websites, look for their store locator or distributor information (and at the styles they have available that you might like), and find a boutique in your area that carries that brand. Try to get a sense of a boutique’s target customer base. Read Yelp and Time Out reviews. Look for a boutique’s social media presence (Facebook, blog, Twitter, etc.) Bear in mind that lots of people only leave reviews when they’re ecstatic or furious about their experiences, so, you know, a grain of salt and all that.

4. Make a list. Does your entire bra wardrobe need an overhaul? What’s important to you? Are you looking for one or two specific items (a sports bra and a plunge bra, a t-shirt bra and a sleep bra, a basque and an everyday bra, wedding lingerie, etc.)? What colors would you like? Are there any things that are absolute deal-breakers for you (lace that itches sensitive skin, non-natural fibers that don’t breathe, etc.)? Keep in mind that your fitter will probably bring you some options to try that you’d never have thought of before. You don’t have to love them, and they may make you nervous, but please try them. You may find something you like far better than you could have imagined.

5. Make a budget. I know how wonderful it feels to find That Perfect Bra after years of discomfort and dissatisfaction, but do make a budget and try to stick to it. I almost always push my budget by $10-20 if I have a good boutique experience, so I try to make my budget a little more aggressive than I need to in advance, so that in the inevitable event I do go over by a small amount, it won’t affect the rest of my spending. If you can’t bear to think of leaving a beautiful bra behind, ask the store about their hold policy, or make adjustments to your other budgets. There is a very, very good chance that a store will gently encourage you to push your budget if you’re wavering on a purchase. Gentle encouragement is one thing, but if you start to feel bullied or shamed into making a purchase, feel free to stick to your guns or leave.

Make a Day of It

1. It will really pay to take your time at a bra fitting, especially if it’s your first one. Erica of A Sophisticated Pair has a wonderful post about how to prepare for a bra fitting. I encourage you heartily to read the post in full, but here are some bullet points that will make sure you have the best possible time: don’t go when you’re menstruating, don’t rush, come alone or with patient, supportive friends/family, and don’t go after a full meal. I’d even add wearing a little bit of makeup and doing your hair in a way you like. You’ll be undressing and re-dressing a lot in front of a mirror and bright lights, and you’ll probably be slightly disheveled by the time you’re done. It’s an intimate and vulnerable thing, asking a stranger for help with your boobs, so doing a little self-care beforehand can help you take a little ownership of the situation.

2. Along the lines of taking-your-time, you might call the store(s) you plan to visit and see if they accept appointments. Many boutiques will offer personal fitting appointments that you can schedule ahead of time. You can ensure that you’ll get personal service, and your fitter will not be worried about dividing her attentions between you and any other customers. You can also ask about any particular styles you’ve found in your research and see if the store would consider having them ready for you when you arrive.

3. Even if you leave the boutique frustrated with nothing in your hands, make sure you have something nice scheduled afterwards. When I was an actor, auditions were the bane of my existence. I always prepared intensely and took steps to manage the physiological symptoms of my nerves (once I was sight-singing something on stage in front of the casting team, and I had to keep switching my sheet music from one hand to the other because each hand would start to shake violently while I was singing along. I made it into a “bit”, and we all laughed, but UGH. Definitely don’t miss that), but nevertheless each audition took a lot out of me and was a huge blow to my sense of equilibrium, even if it went well. My voice teacher ALWAYS had something waiting for me at a lesson that followed an audition. A CD, a nice chocolate bar, a paperback, an iTunes gift card– she was adamant that I give myself a treat after an audition. Do the same for yourself. Go get your nails done, buy a good bottle of wine, download a new album or book, go dancing or take a dance class, make a dinner date with a friend, or go see a play. Wait, those are all very Sweets-specific treats. You do you. TREAT YO SELF.

thisisjaclyne.tumblr.com

thisisjaclyne.tumblr.com

Check Your Expectations

1. Once you find your size, you will not wear that size in every style or brand. It’s frustrating, I know, but learning your size is not a magic bullet. Learning about FIT will serve you best in the long run. It’s absolutely normal to have a lingerie drawer with 3-4 different sizes in it, all of which fit beautifully, especially if they’re all different brands (after all, US, UK, and European manufacturers use different cup sizing systems).

"Rumeur" longling bra by Huit.

“Rumeur” longling bra by Huit.

2. Not every brand will make a size or style that fits you, nor will every style be available in your size. Sometimes you fall outside a brand’s size range, or construction techniques haven’t caught up with your size (it’s very difficult, for example, to make molded cup bras in the upper ranges of the full-bust size spectrum that don’t compromise on shape and support). It’s a bummer, especially if you lose your heart to something that comes the closest to divine perfection you’ve ever seen on this earth, but sometimes it’s for the best. I still dream of the Rumeur longline bra from Huit’s 2012 collection (above), but it stops far, far short from my current cup size. If I did wear the Rumeur, it would mean I couldn’t wear the Boudoir Beau or the Lola Luxe Basque, both by Bravissimo, which are two of my favorite purchases from 2012.

Lola Luxe Basque in Blackberry by Bravissimo

Lola Luxe Basque in Blackberry by Bravissimo

3. Bringing up budgeting again, be prepared for bras to cost more at a boutique than they do at, say, Target. You don’t need to spend a fortune just to get a well-made, supportive bra (and if a shop tells you that you do, feel free to leave), but there is a very good chance that you’ll find the best options in the $40-80 range and up. That may seem like a lot, but think about the cost-per-wear of a bra. If you wear it a few days a week (always taking a day or more between wearings to preserve the life of the elastic), and it makes a fantastic foundation under your favorite outfits, it’ll be as good an investment as your favorite pair of shoes. In fact, how much are you willing to spend on a good pair of shoes? Not the cute pair you grabbed at Payless just to have, but a really GOOD pair of shoes. Be willing to spend the same amount on your boobs.

Open Up to New Possibilities

1. Cup size shock is a real thing. I remember when I went for my first bra fitting, and the fitter at Nordstrom said “okay, first of all, you shouldn’t be wearing a 38, and I think we’ll need to move past a D cup.” I WAS SO CONFUSED. On the one hand, I was “skinnier”? But also “bigger”? There were things bigger than a D??? Omigod was I a freak?!?!? If you’ve been living in the Bra Matrix, it can be totally bewildering when you find out you wear a size that isn’t A, B, C, or D. It’s natural to be disoriented if your fitter brings you a bra that has DD or an F or an HH or a K on the tag, but please don’t worry. You may see some ugly, judgmental language about these sizes in pop culture or ignorant posts on the internet, but remember: cup sizes do not exist without band sizes. There are many, many, MANY women who do not wear bras in the 32-38 A-D size range. The number and letter work together to describe the shape and volume of your breasts, and it’s no one’s business but yours. Make sure you look and feel fabulous, and don’t worry about the size on the tag.

See how many sizes there are available in the full-bust market? This doesn't even take into account petite busts, average busts, and fuller figures! We need all the different sizes, because we women are fabulous and we are all different.

See how many sizes there are available in the full-bust market? This doesn’t even take into account petite busts, average busts, and fuller figures! We need all the different sizes and numbers and letters, because we women are fabulous, and we are all different and deserve a perfect fit.

2. If your fitter is actually good at, you know, fitting, she’s also going to be good at suggesting styles and brands that might work for you. Have you only ever worn totally smooth, seamless, or molded cup bras? Give a seamed bra a try! (Seams are awesome, and contemporary construction methods mean they’re much less visible under thin tops than their predecessors. More seam love: this excellent video from Butterfly Collection.) Do you prefer plunge bras? A half-cup balconette might be a fun change of pace. If you’re looking for something sexy, but your definition of “sexy” doesn’t include red satin or black lace, tell your fitter, and see if she can suggest something new or unusual for you. I was in a boutique in NYC once, and I thought I had absolutely the right size, until the fitter popped her head in and said “hm. You know, with that particular style, you might be helped by going down a band size and up a cup size. The fit is fine right now, but we’ve found with that particular style you’ll get more lift in your sister size.” She was right!

3. You know how sometimes you’re out shopping for a specific item (clothes for work, a dress for your sister’s wedding, a new pair of jeans, whatever), and you grab that one random thing off the rack that technically “shouldn’t” work on your (lumpy, bony, tall, petite, flat-bottomed, super-curvy, young, old, whatever) figure, and yet you try it on and it’s weirdly perfect and you love it? That can happen with bras. Even if it looks strange on the rack or in the fitter’s hands, give it a whirl. Worst case scenario, you can laugh (at the BRA, not at yourself); best case scenario, you find something you love unexpectedly.

* * * * *

Look, not every boutique will be every thing to every woman. The lingerie market is exploding with all sorts of styles, fashions, and size ranges, and there’s no way a single boutique can stock it all. It may take you a while to find a boutique that is your go-to happy place; in fact, you may never find one that is a perfect fit. That’s okay! Here’s what’s not okay: sticking with a so-so or bad bra, just because you’ve had bad experiences before or you’re scared to get fitted. It’s okay to feel nervous: we live in a world that projects a TON of judgmental language and ideas onto our breasts, and asking a stranger for help takes guts. You may not know every brand and every style and what all the different bits and bobs are (unless you start talking to me, and then I will TELL YOU EVERYTHING), but how will you ever find something better if you don’t put in some time and start looking? I started by googling “[my bra size] + swimsuit” in 2008, found a link to Bravissimo, and never looked back. My dissatisfaction and frustration finally pushed me to do some work on my own, and it paid off handsomely.  Have fun, take your time, be kind to yourself, and good luck!

What a Good Fitting Experience Should Be Like

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or

How I Will Run the First American Bravissimo, Because Obviously They’d Just Let an Internet Stranger Run the First Overseas Expansion of their Baby

There has been a lot of internet chatter lately about the new Lifetime series Double Divas, which purports to educate American women about good fit, bra sizes, and breast health, while following the antics of the store’s personality-rich owners. I know I should watch it, y’all, but even though my office was closed on Monday, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.*** I’m not sure why. Maybe because I’ve been burned before by stores that claimed they’d change my life? Maybe I was turned off by the over-the-top Southern! Wackiness! Shtick! that saturated the preview clips I watched online? Maybe because I don’t care for reality shows in general? Mostly, though, I didn’t want to watch it because of what I read from 1) commenters on the Lifetime site who watched the show and 2) other, more intrepid bloggers who had thoughts to share.

***N.B. I know it’s deeply unfair to judge a show and a store without even watching said show, but I want to share some of the discussion I’ve read and use it as a jumping-off point to talk about what to expect from a supportive lingerie boutique. If/when I do watch the show, I will share a review and continue the discussion.

I’m not going to delve too deeply into the comments, because internet comment sections stress me out, but I’ll just say that I did NOT see a lot of comments that said “I now love my breasts,” “I feel confident about fitting my boobs,” “I know now that there is nothing ‘wrong’ with my boobs,” “I feel pretty,” or “thanks for helping me figure out what I like!”

After reading Fussy Busty’s, The Lingerie Addict’s, and Hourglassy’s reviews, I REALLY didn’t want to watch the show. I think the store owners are certainly filling a market void– based on the clips I’ve seen, they stock many brands I love and recommend: Freya, Elomi, Parfait, Love Claudette, Cleo, and others, and they are spreading the word that the boob alphabet doesn’t end at D, or even DDD. One of the store’s owners even works to build and sew garments for customers who can’t find something in their size in stock, which is really, really wonderful and would be fun to see more of. The fact remains, however, that there is nothing, NOTHING, that excuses store owners/employees who body-snark their customers. It is NEVER acceptable to use “Whoa,” “gross,” “HUUUUGE,” “tiny,” and other loaded words to describe a person’s appearance or boobs. All women deserve a welcoming, judgment-free lingerie shopping experience. Men deserve it too: I was appalled to hear that one of the store’s employees mocked “moobies” during one episode. I’m sorry, I have no patience with that shit. I have been made to feel ugly, weird, inappropriate, wrong, and abnormal because of my breasts, and I’m a woman. I cannot imagine how the emotional pain and shame are compounded if you’re a man who’s seeking the same support I do. Making fun of “man-boobs” shows an extreme lack of empathy, and it’s totally unacceptable.

Congratulations, dumb-fuck lingerie boutique. You just lost every customer with a brain. (Thanks to Busts4Justice for naming and shaming)

This sign is NOT from Double Divas, but nevertheless, congratulations, other dumb-fuck lingerie boutique. You just lost every customer with a brain. (Thanks to Busts4Justice for naming and shaming)

Enough of that nonsense. I thought it would be nice to address what a really, really good, even exemplary fitting experience would be like. I haven’t had a lot of them in New York City, unfortunately. My very first fitting was at Nordstrom shortly after graduating from college, and it was wonderful, positive, reassuring, and helpful. My experiences in NYC have been . . . stressful. The stores are small, the sales staff are either overly aggressive or absent, there’s a sense of no-nonsense authoritarianism, and, my biggest pet peeve, you can’t SEE the damn lingerie. It’s all tucked away in boxes and backstock, and unless you know what to ask for, you might never see anything beyond 2 or 3 styles. As frustrating as this is to me, a lingerie obsessive, I can’t imagine how bewildering it must be to someone who’s just starting out on her lingerie/boob-loving journey. So this is what I, Sweets, would like to find in a bra-shopping experience, and I’d love to hear what others think!

A dressing room at Faire Frou Frou in Studio City, California. Photograph by MakingMagique.com

A dressing room at Faire Frou Frou in Studio City, California. Photograph by MakingMagique.com

  • You, the customer, are welcomed to the store in a friendly way. (Note to retailers: Someone who jumps on me when I walk in and chirps “DID YOU KNOW YOU’RE PROBABLY WEARING THE WRONG SIZE?!?!” tells me she isn’t invested in me as a customer. She hasn’t even asked me why I’m there yet. She is invested in spouting the party line, the advertising rhetoric, the gimmick that will make a sale. She doesn’t want me to learn to love and fit my boobs; she wants to sell me a bra and make me keep coming back to her. It’s the single biggest turn-off to me, right up there with D+ bras that only come in beige and black and small-cup bras that only come with three inches of padding.)
  • The store is clean, attractive, well laid-out, bright, accessible to those with disabilities, and welcoming to nursing mothers. Dressing rooms and restrooms are clean, well-lit, and private. There is room for your shopping bags, strollers, and small children.
  • There are lots of racks or displays showing available styles and products. You can browse and choose and compare products on your own if you want to.

  • Derriere de Soie in Charlottesville, VA

    Derriere de Soie in Charlottesville, VA

  • A store associate will politely ask you if you have any questions. If you say you’d like to be fitted, she will offer to make you an appointment or will offer to assist you.
  • You will be guided to a private, flatteringly-lit, comfortable dressing room, with a seat and hooks for your bags and belongings.
  • The fitter will ask you to remove your shirt if you’re comfortable doing so, and she will ask you some questions about the bra you’re already wearing:
    • What size is it?
    • How old is it?
    • What do you like about it?
    • What do you dislike about it?
    • How does this bra make you feel?
  • If you’ve never been fitted, the fitter will, in a non-authoritarian, non-judgmental manner, explain how a new bra should fit:
    • band firm without digging, lying horizontally across back, fastened on loosest hook
    • straps adjusted to support and smooth the cup, but not so tight that they dig into shoulders
    • cup completely encasing breast tissue, including under, around, and over the breast. Center front lies flush against sternum. No double-boob or wrinkling in the cup.
  • She will show you if there are any signs that your current bra may not be the best fit or may be worn out, and offer to bring you some new bras to try on. She will say “I think we may be able to find a better fit” instead of “you’re doing it wrong.”
  • Before she leaves to get some bras, she will ask you if there is a particular style or look or feel that interests you.

  • Bravissimo, London.

    Bravissimo, London.

  • When you find a new bra that you think fits, she will ask if she can see it.
  • She will ask you what you think of it and how you feel.
  • She will point out to you why the fit is improved, and tell you how to determine a good fit for yourself in the future.
  • She will listen to you if you still feel unsatisfied or uncomfortable, and she will either reassure you (wearing the right band size can feel strange if you’ve gotten used to the wrong one, and having cup size shock if you’ve been wearing the wrong cup size is totally understandable) or offer other products.
  • She will NEVER tell you that your size is set in stone, that your boobs are wrong, or that you should make the best of what you’ve got, and she will never force you to buy a bra or set or shape you don’t love. She will certainly never dream of saying “well, you need a G, but we don’t carry G cups, why don’t you try an F?” This is disingenuous and misleading, and she’d be trying to force you to buy something that isn’t right for you. What kind of way is that to keep a customer? She will also never fit you into a band that’s too loose for you unless the store offers free alterations to ensure a good fit and long bra life.

  • A Sophisticated Pair. Burlington, North Carolina.

    A Sophisticated Pair. Burlington, North Carolina.

  • She will offer to bring you as many different sizes/styles as are available to you, and she will respect any budget concerns you may have.
  • She will be understanding if you decide not to purchase anything that day.
  • She will be honest if a particular bra isn’t made in your size, and she will suggest alternatives, even if that means suggesting another retailer.
  • She will be aware of any shyness, embarrassment, or shame that women may feel about their breasts or breast-related health issues, and she will be sensitive and understanding.
  • She will be upfront about the store’s return/alteration/shipping policy.
  • She will thank you for visiting the store and cheerfully wish you a pleasant day.

If you do not find this experience in a store, and/or you leave feeling bummed out, ashamed, or disappointed, do not go back to that store. Until the perfect experience is available, we have the internet.

Also, champagne and sweets in the dressing rooms would go over SWELL, although I understand we live in a sadly imperfect world. ;)

Review: Panache Superbra Cami Top- Super, Indeed

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Camisole top by Panache Superbra

I had no idea how much I’d love this thing.  None at all.  I’ve flirted with built-in bra camisole tops in the past, but that was many, many cup sizes ago.  I understand the appeal: you can wear a thin-strapped camisole without showing off your bra straps, yet still feel perfectly supported.  I know some people really, really loathe showing their bra straps, but I just figured I didn’t have any other choice.  Furthermore, the tanks I’d tried on in the past had all been uniformly clingy and too short, and if a top is too short on me, the short-waisted wonder, how on earth is it supposed to work on women with longer torsos?  So I figured cami-tops were just one of those “not for me” things.

Sometimes impulse purchases are the best purchases.  I recently had a discount code to use at Figleaves and decided to splurge a little and try out Panache’s cami-top.  They’re currently available in black and white, in sizes 32-38 D-H (UK).  I have a bit of a belly, so I chose to order my sister size, one band size larger (for more room in the body) and one cup size down (to achieve the same cup volume as my normal size).  It arrived while I was in Bangkok, so I didn’t get to try it on until after my first day back at the office.

I wore it for the rest of the week.

Seriously, it is that comfortable.  I had NO IDEA how comfortable and, more particularly, how flattering a well-cut camisole top could be.  I love that it shows off my shoulders and neckline, without sacrificing great fit and support.  As the model kindly demonstrates for us at the top of the post, the cami contains a built-in, underwired, lightly padded (VERY lightly– if all padded bras were this thin and flexible, I’d be more on board with them), seamed bra with the standard three sets of two hooks and eyes and fully-adjustable straps.  I’m glad I chose my sister size– I think my regular size might have worked (indeed the underwires feel a bit wide and the band itself a touch loose), but I really appreciate the bit of extra room through the belly.  I know some people (myself included) find that the wires on some of Panache’s bras are cut wide and high at the sides, but there is no such problem here.  The cups are maybe a tad generous, so it might take some trial-and-error to hit the size you like the best.  The good news is that apparently Panache recently adjusted their patterns to add a bit more length.  The camisole comes fully down to my hips, instead of my waist, and it doesn’t roll up.  I can tuck it in or wear it casually without worrying about its coming untucked or exposing my belly.

Bottom line: It feels fantastic.  It doesn’t give the highest or most uplifted shape, but the support is great, and the neckline is modest, which is great for layering as part of a professional outfit.  This is going to be my go-to for hot summer days, for yoga, for dance classes, and for sleeping.  I will probably order more, especially if Panache releases it in more colors– I would love to see a red, a bright royal blue, some shade of green, or a shade close to my skin tone to wear under sheer tops.  I’d also like to see expanded size ranges in the future; I know there are women sized out at either end of the spectrum who would LOVE to have a top like this.  Maybe Panache’s forthcoming Sculptresse line will step up to the plate for the full-figured, full-bust customer?

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Panache Superbra Cami Top is available in Black and White at A Sophisticated Pair, Figleaves, Townshop (a few sizes available in Pink only) and Bare Necessities (a few sizes still available in Red and Navy, as well as the full size range in Black and White).

So Fellas, You Want to Buy Lingerie for Ladies

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I imagine that most ladies who set out to buy lingerie for other ladies will have a pretty solid idea of where to start.  After all, ladies are likely already familiar with the stuff, since lots of us, you know, wear it.  We can probably ask/find out our partner’s size without too much drama.  Ladies share things like that, and if you’re shopping for a surprise for your girlfriend/wife, you probably know her taste and bra size, or you could find it out without raising suspicion.  So this one is for the dudes who love ladies who love lingerie.

Men, if you want to buy your lady lingerie, and you’re hell-bent on surprising her and giving no hint of what’s in store, let’s talk this through, shall we?

From La Petite Coquette:

No. No, no, no. Also, no.

IGNORE THIS, YOU MORONS.  I’m sorry, you’re not morons, because you’re reading this trying to make sure you get your lady a gift that fits, and that’s really thoughtful and caring of you and really smart.  But seriously, this graphic makes me ragey, in part because it assumes you ARE morons.  Do you really want to be the grown-ass man slinking into a nice lingerie store, holding out a grapefruit and saying “the boobs, they go like this?”  La Petite Coquette is pretty good at fitting, and they have some verrrry sexy high-end lingerie, and they have, well, at least a few (expensive!) full-bust options, but this chart does a disservice to every woman (and man) who walks through their (admittedly gorgeous) doors.

There are so many things that are dreadful about step #4 that I just start blurting out thoughts: Women’s bodies aren’t food.  They’re human bodies.  The language used to describe the women is cutesy and infantilizing.  It assumes that men are hapless imbeciles who can only relate to food.  Just identifying a woman by her cup size is reductive, insulting, and inaccurate: a woman is not her boobs, and a cup size is meaningless without a band size attached to it, so even if you guess the fruit right, you’re still flying blind.  Fellas, feminist theory aside, this chart will not help you.  I promise.  Bra fitting is hard enough for women to figure out.  A woman who wears a 32D is still a very, very slim woman.  You will never guess her size standing in a store holding an orange in your hand, and if you ask a shop assistant or fitter to do it for you, she will laugh, and you do not want to get laughed at in a women’s lingerie store, trust.

Credit where credit is due: I think La Petite Coquette is dead on with step number one.  You are presumably buying lingerie for a person you know, shall we say, intimately?  Are you in her bedroom?  Is she in the shower or drying her hair?  Is she out walking the dog or running an errand?  Walk over to her drawer, open it up, and quickly jot down the sizes you see on the tags.  I’d also recommend snapping a picture on your phone (not creepily, and kindly delete once you’re done please).  The tags will give you an idea of her size, and don’t panic if you see they’re not all the same; a good lingerie store will help you figure it out.  The picture you snapped will give you an idea of the fabrics, colors, and styles she likes, as well as what kind of accessories she prefers, and if you visit a store in person, the shop assistants will most likely be able to identify the brands and styles and suggest similar options.

What are you hoping to accomplish with this gift of lingerie?  I ASSUME, since you’re a handsome, intelligent, grown-ass man, that you’re hoping to buy her a present that makes her feel beautiful and sexy and fabulous.  I sincerely hope, for your sake, that you’re not buying her a gift of lingerie solely for your own pleasure.  Unless she has specifically said to you “I’m really interested in trying a latex bodysuit” or “Fishnet bodystockings are where it’s at”, I strongly recommend taking your cue from the styles she already wears.  Purchasing something that deviates wildly from her current lingerie wardrobe without any provocation or prior discussion could make her feel uncomfortable, pressured, and unlovely, like what she’s currently wearing isn’t good enough for you.  It’s absolutely okay to like the way your lady looks in lingerie.  It’s absolutely NOT okay to demand that she change her style completely to suit your tastes.

Along those lines, I also agree with La Petite Coquette’s “beware the back of the drawer” warning.  The stuff on top of the drawer or the stuff dangling on her drying rack is where it’s at: she wears it the most because she likes it the most.  The only exception is if the back of the drawer contains her sexy special times underwear, in which case you’ll just have to call it like you see it.  If you feel uncertain about buying the correct size despite your preparations, ask the store or retailer about their return/exchange policy.  Ask about gift cards.  Look into luxuries that don’t have to involve cup sizes: tap pants, silk pajamas, marabou slippers, elegant stockings, and slinky chemises are all wonderfully sexy surprises that will get plenty of use.  If you think she might like something that she currently doesn’t own, but you’re not sure what it’s called, take a look at the Lingerie Dictionary and find out!

My last suggestion is to Look At Her and Listen To Her.  How does she talk about her body and her boobs around her friends?  Around you?  When she’s getting ready in the morning, does she get fully dressed immediately, or does she primp in her delicates?  When she looks at herself in the mirror, how does her posture change?  Does she fidget with or adjust anything?  Does she say she wishes her boobs were bigger/smaller/perkier?  Do you catch her safety-pinning her blouses closed?  Does she smile when she sees herself in the mirror?  Does her wardrobe reflect a distinct personal style?  You certainly don’t have to answer all of these questions.  I don’t think I could answer them about myself, come to think of it.  But it may help you when you’re in the lingerie shop, and it may suggest ideas beyond “Girlfriend/Wife, you’re beautiful, and I got you beautiful underwear.”  If her personal style says “vintage” or “romantic”, but she’s dashing into her clothes, might she like a long and flowing peignoir to wrap herself in while she’s doing her makeup, or an old-fashioned atomizer filled with her favorite perfume?  If she’s futzing with her clothes, might she like some new wardrobe items that make her feel comfortable and beautiful more than new underwear?  If she seems dissatisfied with or uninterested in lingerie, or self-conscious about her breasts, might she enjoy a scheduled fitting and mini-shopping spree, courtesy of you?  I hope your lady knows and believes she’s sexy, but if there are any indications that she doesn’t, you might wind up giving her a gift that is more than something soft and silky.  You might be able help her turn some of the love you feel for her into love she feels for herself.

Sweet Talking: Phoenix

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Today’s Awesome Lady is Phoenix, who’s quite literally been a loyal reader since Day 1.  We went to the same high school, appeared together in a production of a Stephen Sondheim musical that I, at least, had no business being in, sang in the school choir together, and generally made it out alive.  Phoenix works as a librarian, which she’s hinted to me sounds sexier than it might necessarily be.  She reached out to me in early days of the blog to commiserate over the hell young girls and young women sometimes go through coming to terms with bodies that change outside of their control and in ways they never anticipate.  In Phoenix’s case, these changes were magnified, complicated, and generally turned upside down by illness shortly after she graduated from high school.  She’s Been Through Stuff, y’all, and she has had the incredible grace to offer to talk to us about it, in case there are others out there who are feeling alone and broken and unsure.

Hi Phoenix!

How do you feel about your boobs today?  I like my boobs today.

That’s what I like to hear.  Have you always felt the way you feel now about your boobs?  If not, what changed your feelings?  I’ve gone through phases of feelings about them in the past.  My life is broken up by pre-cancer and post-cancer.  As Sweets mentioned, I was diagnosed with cancer shortly after high school.  I had CML (Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia) and underwent a bone marrow transplant.  It was a pretty rough few years of treaments, setbacks, triumphs, and disappointments.  I’ve gotten to the point now where I don’t think about having cancer all the time, but there are times where the ramifications of it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Anyway, pre-cancer my boobs were just there.  I really didn’t think about them that much to be honest.  During cancer I was mostly concerned about them when I gained and lost about 65 pounds.  I got stretch marks in several places but the weirdest ones are around my boobs.  These aren’t normal stretch marks.  My gyn even commented that she had never seen any like them before and didn’t really believe me that they WERE stretch marks until she examined them more.  She used to work at a hospital in England for women’s cancers.  So, the fact that she thought I was weird is saying something.  (This is the story of my life when it comes to doctors.  I am that person who, if there is a 1% chance that some kind of symptom, condition, or medication reaction will happen, it will happen to me.  I feel bad for my oncologist.)  Anyway, now I like my boobs again.  BUT, that is mostly because my husband likes them.   I know, I know, you don’t have to tell me.  I know I should be proud of my body without anyone else’s opinion making a difference.  I am a feminist, after all, and I know better.  But, having him reassure me that they’re really great even though my whole chest is really scarred has helped me come to terms with it and appreciate my boobs.  Dear ladies everywhere: having a partner who not only loves you but who also helps you love you more is perfectly feminist.

When was the last time you bought a new bra?  I bought a new bra after your shapewear post and it came in the mail today!  It’s not shapewear, but there was a sale on the site I was looking at shapewear on, and, well, these things happen.  I know how that goes, trust me.

Where do you shop for bras?  I used to shop at Nordstrom but now, thanks to you, I mostly shop online.  God bless the internet.

One of Phoenix’s favorite new bras: “Tanzania Stripe” by Bravissimo

What do you look for in a bra?  Right now I’m looking for pretty bras because I’m beginning to realize that they do exist for 34DDs!  I also look for how well it fits.  I’m learning to experiment with non-padded bras.  I never bought push-ups since I really don’t need them, but I really dislike having my nipples show through my clothes.  That’s why I’ve been buying bras with just enough padding to keep that from happening.  I’m still deciding whether I like the non-padded ones, though.  My boobs are really round and don’t really taper so I’m finding that they don’t always fit right in the non-padded bras.  That experimentation is necessary; it takes some figuring out to decide what you like.  There are so many styles available, and not every woman who wears, say, a 36H is going to like the same bra in that size, so we just have to keep trying different things.

What do you look for in a shopping experience?  I’d like shopping experiences not to be stressful.  Stressful shopping experiences are all that I’ve found in the past year or so with all clothing shopping, not just bras.  Shopping online helps that.

Have you been professionally fitted?  If so, when and where?  I was professionally fitted at Nordstrom about a year ago.  I discovered that I had been wearing the wrong bra size (1 band size too big and 2 cup sizes too small) (that is an astoundingly common discovery) for some time.  I finally went there because I had been looking for new bras and nothing was fitting right in what I thought was my size.  So I just decided to go to Nordstrom and figure it out.

Do you have a favorite brand?  Right now, Freya.  But, I’m kind of a newbie in shopping for the correct size in pretty styles so that might change.  Freya was my first favorite brand.  I’ve wavered in my affections since then, but I appreciate that they’re continually trying new styles, colors, and patterns.

“This is Dallas and he insists on being in my lap at all times.”

If you could change anything about bras, what would it be?  I wish the styles weren’t so confusing and that there was more awareness in the US market about larger sizes.  I wish I could just walk into a store and try stuff on rather than ordering things online from the UK.  I hope that’s changing, and that the day is coming when the major American department stores get a better grip on sizing.

What do you love and celebrate about your boobs?  I like that they’re really round and that even though they’re big they don’t really sag.  I hope the non-sagging stays true for a while but since I’m nearing 30 that might not be the case for much longer.  It’s so different for every woman.  Rock on with your bad self, lady.

Do you have a memory of an experience or an event or a day when your underwear made a difference?  Not really.  Though wearing a pretty matched set makes me happier, more confident, and makes me feel sexy.

Any dream underwear/fantasy that you wish you could wear?  Not that I can think of.

What are your thoughts on matching sets?  Love them.  AGREED.

Do you have a lingerie style?  Are you a silk and lace person or a streamlined and simple person or tough-girl person?  What makes you choose the bras you choose?  I don’t think I have a style.  I like silk and lace, but I also like streamlined and simple.  I sometimes like dark, sensual colors, but I also like cute flower prints.  I’m kind of like that in my regular clothing as well.  Some days are pencil skirts and blouses and some days are crazy multi-colored, multi-patterned floor-length dresses.  That’s kind of one of the things I love about lingerie.  Well, clothing in general, but especially lingerie.  It’s nice to give yourself the freedom to play with different identities and different aspects of your personality.  Almost like costumes.

“This is Gobo and he cannot be bothered to move most of the time. Also, he is never impressed by anything.”

So, as you mentioned above, you won the lottery in terms of devastatingly unpredictable illnesses.  Women’s bodies are always in flux anyway, which can be troubling or frustrating even to healthy women, so I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like to go through your treatment and illness on top of that.  We’ve talked in the past about some of your hospital adventures, and I know that there are some, as you say, ramifications of the illness/treatment that will be with you the rest of your life.  Have there been any people, things, or words of advice that have guided you through the experience?  Anything that helped you come to terms with what you were/are going through?  Are there any ways in which your feelings about your body have changed for the better?

I can’t think of any words of advice that have guided me personally.  I have to admit that I’m still pretty pissed at all the changes my body has gone through because of cancer.  It’s hard not to buy into culture/the media’s ideal of beauty even though, because of cancer, I know I’ll never attain it.  It’s really the loss of the possibility of the mainstream beauty ideal that hurts the most.  I just try my best to accept how I am now.  As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned what to look for in lingerie and clothing to fit and flatter my shape.  Sometimes I want to cover my scars and sometimes it isn’t just a big deal (ever try to find a wedding dress with straps/sleeves/something! that covers your upper chest so your wedding pictures don’t have your scars all in them?!)

So, yeah, coming to terms with it just takes time, telling yourself you’re ok, and having people around you who love you for who you are.  Also, having wonderful lingerie blogs for cup sizes past D helps, too.

How did you pick “Phoenix” as your alter-ego?

I had a professor in college who called me a phoenix when she heard about my cancer struggles. I really liked that image and have adopted it.

One of her favorite phoenix images

Phoenix and are going to talk more at a later date, but I want to thank her for being so open about such a tough topic.  A lot of us have trouble talking about our bodies anyway, even if we’ve been mostly healthy all of our lives.  Your body can sometimes feel outside of your control, but please don’t forget that it’s a part of you.  You aren’t just your body, of course, but you also can’t detach it and leave it behind.  Anything you can do to love it more, whether it’s hearing your partner say he or she loves it, or supporting it in a good bra, or exercising and eating good food, you should keep on doing it. 

Phoenix, last question: in your professional opinion as a librarian, what’s the best book you’ve read recently? :)

Hmm, that’s a hard one.  I just re-read “The Princess Bride” which is a longtime favorite.  The other two I’ve read recently and really like are Caitlin Moran’s “How To Be A Woman” and Lizz Winstead’s “Lizz Free or Die”.

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If you have any questions for Phoenix, feel free to leave them in the comments, and she or I will respond.  If you are an Awesome Lady who’d like to chat about your underwear, drop me an email at sweetnothingnyc[at]gmail[dot]com.

Congratulations, We All Win

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Bra sizes are not a competition.

I cringe when I see how quickly a comment thread on a “celebrity bra size” article or a bust-related post on Facebook can devolve into an “I have it worse than you” contest. An article will appear suggesting, say, some curve-friendly button-down shirts. Commenters will immediately chime in that they can’t wear button-downs, because they are too curvy. The first wears a 36DD. Another says “oh, yeah?” She “has it worse.” She wears a 28J. Another’s plight is sooo much worse, she wears a 38K. One wears a 30A, and she thinks everyone else needs to count their blessings and quit whining. One wears a 34C, she doesn’t believe that these other commenters’ bra sizes exist, as she has enough trouble finding clothes as it is, and these other commenters must have implants (and therefore deserve condemnation). Then the whole conversation devolves into a series of angry, hurt, sad, and confused protests. The final straw is that these commenters will almost all say “I’m A [Bra Size]” instead of “I Wear A [Bra Size]“, which we know bugs the bananas out of me.

It’s really tempting to join in, isn’t it?  I know I’ve done it.  I’ve joined a conversation with women discussing their struggles with their breasts, and I’ve dropped my full-bust size on them without warning, just to provoke a reaction.  I did it . . . I don’t know why, actually.  The self-righteous side of me says I did it to startle the other women, to show them that there are sizes beyond D-cups, to educate, like the Bra Band Project does.  The more honest side of me says that I did it, frankly, to shame them.  “You think you have it bad?  Shut up.  You don’t know what I suffer.”

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This week the Daily Mail published an article in which Linda Becker of Linda the Bra Lady fame allegedly claimed that modern bras are vanity-sized so that women feel like their boobs are bigger and their backs smaller than they really are. Now, look, call me crazy, but there is just the eensiest, tiniest chance that the Daily Mail exaggerated, sensationalized, and twisted Linda’s words to provoke emotional reactions and undermine the self-confidence of its women readers. This is a publication that red-pens every alleged flaw or indication of “excess” weight on a photo of a female celebrity while simultaneously concern-trolling celebrities who are “dangerously” or “scarily” thin. If you scroll down the sidebar on the Daily Mail site, most of the articles about female celebrities mention their age, bodies, weight, or some other physical attribute in the headline. So I’m not really inclined to respect their journalistic integrity, and considering Linda’s years of fitting experience and the incredibly vast range of sizes and styles she sells in her stores, I think it’s more likely that she was misquoted, or, at the very worst, that she misspoke. Update: Fussy Busty and Christina on Facebook directed me to the original article the Daily Mail appears to have used as its source, and to which, unfortunately, Linda proudly links on her own blog.  It does in fact appear that her words are less benign than I’d hoped.  Bummer.  Claire at Butterfly Collection has a great post up that clearly explains, in detail, the differences between bras manufactured today and bras manufactured earlier in the 20th century, which goes some way towards explaining what I suspect Linda was trying to say (be sure to click on her link to an article breaking down the very term “vanity size”; it’s worth your while).

Busty Girl Comics illustrates the competitive mindset for us. How lovely are both of these women? Very. But it’s excruciatingly hard to break free of the compare/contrast mindset. Caitlin Moran even talks about this in How to Be a Woman, which– have you read it? You need to read it.

The Daily Mail article is an example of the sort of messages women are bombarded with every. damn. day. that lead to competitive negativity. We are told our bodies are all that matter about us, and we are taught to break them down, belittle them, judge them, qualify them. We compete to see who can break herself down the worst, and we internalize the messages that say we have flaws. We have problems. Other people have it easier. Our breasts are problematic. I even heard it once at S Factor, after two hours of beautiful dancing: “No, seriously, my boobs are a PROBLEM”, and it broke my heart into thousands of pieces. Our breasts, NO MATTER THEIR SHAPE, SIZE, COLOR, OR CONSISTENCY, are not problems. They’re human. Everyone has them at some point in their lives. True, some breasts are small, big, scarred, tired, augmented, reduced, young, old, cancerous, or leaking (holla new moms!), but we all have them. Every single one of us (dudes too). And if we can tune out the shenanigans like the Daily Mail article that try to plant the fear in our minds that the lingerie industry is appealing to our “vanity” to disguise the fact that we are in some way flawed and deluding ourselves, we can better accept our own beauty and others’.

Let’s challenge ourselves to stop comparing and stop competing. Let’s remember that we wear bra sizes, we are not bra sizes. Let’s remember that all the extra numbers and letters allow us to calibrate fit for literally hundreds of different sizes and shapes of women, and that those numbers and letters aren’t there to threaten or challenge or insult or define or confine us. Someone has never heard of a G-cup, and thinks you’re exaggerating? Someone tells you your small breasts “don’t count”? Someone needs to look around and get a life.

Bra sizes are not a competition, because we all have a bra size.  We all win.  Competing for the best or worse is illogical.  True, you may find some things more difficult than another woman, but please remember that the degree of your struggles does not diminish any struggles she may face, and to imply that it does is hurtful and unfair.  Let’s change the conversation.  Let’s keep it positive, and let’s keep it encouraging.

P.S.  It’s October, and it’s Breast Cancer Awareness month. The single most important thing you need to do this month, even more important than wearing pink or posting something on Facebook, is to perform a breast self-exam, encourage others to do the same, and make it a habit. I’m TERRIBLE about remembering to do this, but let’s all do it, and remind our friends to do it, too. Breast cancer affects boobs of every shape, size, and age, and dudes aren’t exempt either. Take care of your spirits, and take care of your boobs.

Brand Introduction: Freya

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For those of us who know our bra sizes better than our social security numbers, Freya is nothing new, but for many women, particularly in North America, who are just getting to know their full-bust sizes, Freya’s is the first friendly face they’ll meet.  While Freya may not be for everyone, I want to share the brand with you because 1) it’s widely available in North America now, 2) it’s moderately priced (generally), and 3) Freya really paved the way for many of the beautiful, varied full-bust companies on the market today.

Lots of Styles

“Deco” molded plunge bra, available in black and beige as well as seasonal colors. Sizes 28-38 B-GG (some exceptions).

Being an internationally recognized leader in the full-bust market, Freya has the resources to offer many, many different styles over the course of a year.  On average, around 20+ new styles hit the market every season, including swim, lounge, lingerie, and athletic wear.

Clockwise from top left: Active, Lingerie, Lounge, Maternity, Swim

Freya offers lots of different shapes, too: padded half-cup, seamed balconette, molded plunge (the enormously popular Deco bra), soft cup, nursing, sports, and strapless bras as well as bikinis, tankinis, and full-length swimsuits, so there’s a chance that even if one shape isn’t your cup of tea, Freya may offer another shape that works for you.  Last year they introduced a longline style which returns this year in multiple prints.  Some bras are padded, some are sheer, some are opaque, some are frilly, some are basic, so you have a great chance of finding underwear to suit your needs and tastes.  Freya will be launching some pretty shapewear next spring, and Freya and sister brands Elomi, Huit, Fauve, Fantasie, and Goddess offer beautiful, colorful options for a range of shapes, sizes, styles, and budgets.

Lots of Sizes (sometimes)

Freya was one of the first labels to offer K-cups and 28-backs, and they should be applauded.  Competitive labels have expanded their size ranges in order to keep up, which means more options for everyone.  However, sometimes there are weirdly arbitrary sizing black holes.  Some bras start at C-cups, others at D, 28 bands frequently aren’t available in the full cup-size spectrum, the athletic and sleepwear ranges don’t go to K cups, and some other styles arbitrarily stop at G or GG instead of extending up to the full GG-K range (particularly in larger band sizes– boo).  Many women are waiting for Freya to adapt the Deco bra for larger cup sizes, and I am baffled as to why the longline bras can’t go higher than a G.  If it’s because the longline bras feature the padded half-cup shape, then make it an unlined balconette longline bra!  Hell, I’d prefer it unlined.  A longline version of the Arabella range would knock my socks off.

Right? Wouldn’t this make a super-sexy longline bra?

Holy crap, you guys, I am a design genius!  Freya, get on that: I will buy the hell out of it.  A longline bra with its six hooks feels like such a blessing to so many full-busted women, since, as we know, support comes from the band.  I know that the design, construction, and, well, architecture of larger cup sizes is more challenging and more time-consuming, but women who wear these sizes often want supportive sleepwear and sports bras most of all, and there’s currently a huge hole in the market.

Lots of Accessories

I’ve made my feelings on matching sets known before: I love them, I crave them, I feel so pretty in them.  Freya usually offers at least two, if not more, coordinating knickers (and occasionally suspenders) for each of their bras and coordinating bottoms for each of their bikinis and tankinis.  As an avowed thong-hater, I love this, because I can build lingerie ensembles of my choosing, with pieces that I know flatter me and feel the most comfortable.

Some of the accessories available in the following ranges: Pier (swim), Gem, Ashlee, Patsy.

Lots of Color

While my first Freya bra was a fairly basic black (“Pollyanna”, I know I keep harping on it but RIP I miss you), the first thing that made me notice the brand was color.  Again, the full-bust landscape has changed dramatically in the last five years, and brands like Cleo, Miss Mandalay, Parfait, Claudette, Curveturiere, and others feature bright, bold, on-trend colors and a sophisticated design approach, but when I first started figuring out how to fit my breasts, my only point of reference was your average US department store, where my options were beige, black, and white, if they carried my size at all.  Freya bras, on the other hand, came in reds and pinks and greens and blues and deep purples, and they were trimmed with lace and contrasting bows and ruffles.  The designs were interesting, the colors popped, and the whole feel overall was so much more youthful, sexy, and fun than the beige minimizer bras I’d turned to for years.

Some of the many, many colorful lingerie pieces released over the last few years.

Lots of Print

Polka dots. Bows. Flowers. Tattoos. Flamingos. Russian dolls. Feathers. Stripes. Freya really stands out in the full-bust market for its sometimes completely bonkers prints (I mostly mean that as a compliment).  While it’s really lovely to have elegant, luxurious lingerie in your drawer, sometimes it’s also nice to inject a little fun into the mix.  I will always love polka dots, and I LOVED the Nieve print (which sort of kills me, because I found the fit in both the balconette and the longline bras to be pretty strange (more later)).  There’s a nice playfulness to some of the prints, and a charming sensuality to others.

Freya Prints: Nieve (longline), Tabitha (balconette), Carly (molded plunge)

Does Freya have it all?  Well . . . they have a lot!  I think branching into shapewear for Spring 2013 was a really smart decision, given that shapewear’s surging popularity shows no signs of stopping.  I hope Freya listen to feedback and continue to expand their size ranges, as there are currently lots of ladies falling into the gaps.  There are sometimes baffling fit inconsistencies that make shopping online a real pain.  In the last year or two it seems like Freya’s bands have gotten much, much stretchier, and sometimes the cups have too.  I have the balconette version of the Nieve in what is, for me, a pretty average size, and I’ve worn it a few times, but it has stretched so quickly I’m already wearing it on the tightest hooks, and the cups are bizarrely unsupportive and droopy.  I almost feel like I should have gone down 1 band size and up 2 cup sizes, a fit adjustment that is impossible to anticipate and which most likely means an online shopper will have to pay shipping and returns.  The “Faye” style is very popular as a basic bra, but I have yet to find the right fit on me.  I find the band somehow loose and tight all at once, the cups are shallow, and the fabric feels flimsy to me.  However, these complaints might be specific to my body type, and maybe to a women with firmer tissue or differently shaped breasts, Freya’s recent design changes are a breath of fresh air.  Freya’s wires tend to run narrower than Panache’s, which are notoriously wide, so Freya bras in general might suit some women better than others.  Finally, many of Freya’s unlined bras give a kind of retro pointy shape, which can be either really appealing or a huge turn-off, depending on your preferences.  I’m not a fan of the shape for me personally, but I have found that the silhouette tends to soften to a more natural look after a few wearings, almost like I have to break it in first.

While I don’t think Freya will ever be everything to any one specific customer,  I do think Freya has a little something to offer a wide range of women, no matter her age, shape, or style.

Have you tried Freya?  Do you have a favorite style?  I’ve mostly featured past styles, but if you want a sneak peek of Spring/Summer 2013 (and the chance to preorder anything that catches your eye), check out A Sophisticated Pair’s preview of some of the beautiful styles to come!

Review: “Marcie” by Cleo and “Emily” by Curvy Kate

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I’m really trying to shift my shopping habits to support smaller retailers, but I confess that when Figleaves sends me a discount code, I usually bite.  I’m trying to pinch pennies wherever I can, and I also really need new bras, so Figleaves’ timing was much appreciated.  After a lot of deliberating (everyone and their mother have released some fantastic colors for Fall), I chose the “Marcie” set by Cleo and the “Emily” by Curvy Kate in this season’s deep blue color.

I’ve been wanting to try a Curvy Kate (non-Showgirl) style for a while now.  I really like the brand: I like the sense of fun they bring to the full-bust market, I like the body-and-boob positivity, and I love the new, grown-up blue (Midnight/Blush) color for Fall.  Cleo, meanwhile, is quickly turning into my favorite brand.  I find the fit is more consistent than Freya, and their unlined balconette bras suit my shape almost perfectly: the bottom of the cup is never baggy, the wires sit flush, the bands are nice and firm, and the straps don’t slip.  Some women find that Panache bras have painful underwires, but I’ve never had that issue with Cleo.  I think it would be a great brand to offer to a full-busted teenager, as some of the styles are sweet, fun, and youthful, but I don’t think Cleo is exclusively for the under-20 set.  Who doesn’t want to add a note of sexy playfulness to her lingerie drawer?

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“Emily” by Curvy Kate.  Available in Midnight/Blush, Black, Beige, and White.  Sizes 28-40 D-K.

Emily first: The bra is really, really beautiful, especially considering that it’s kind of a “basic” bra.  I love the vibrant blue, which is kind of a cross between navy and royal blue, and the contrasting embroidery is a very pale sepia-pink that’s quite lovely.  Mine had a few stray threads on the cups, but the seams are all secure.  The bottom of the center gore features a small eyelet ruffle, which is very pretty and feminine, and happily it doesn’t continue all the way around the cups, as sometimes details like this can rub and irritate the skin directly under the breast.  My size features three sets of three hooks and eyes in the back and fully-adjustable straps.  The band is true-to-size, and it fits very smoothly.  With some bras I’ve found that the band’s outer edges don’t stretch evenly with the rest of the band, which means the top or bottom of the band pinches and digs in while the fabric of the band itself stretches lazily.  With this bra, the stretch is more consistent throughout the band as a whole, which is both more flattering (if you’re squishy, as many of us are) and more comfortable.  I had heard that some women prefer to try a cup size up in Curvy Kate bras, and since I’m kind of between sizes right now I went with the larger cup size.

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The picture above is a better representation of the color, but this one shows off the details a bit better. Pretty!

My experience with Emily is proof that even if the size is technically correct, sometimes a bra’s shape isn’t 100% perfect for you.  The center gore is a bit higher than I’ve found with some balconette bras, and the cups are also cut higher, so to me it feels a bit like a cross between a balconette and a full-cup bra.  A fuller cup is great for support, but it does run the risk of showing under some necklines.  My breast tissue is fully encapsulated in the cup and the band sits firm and horizontal on the loosest hooks, but the darned center front won’t sit completely flush against my sternum.  Generally your first step in that situation would be to try a cup size bigger.  However, I already have a bit of extra space in the bottom of the cup, and a cup size bigger would probably just be too big.  So what does it mean, when a size is technically correct, but you can’t tick all your good fit checkboxes (in this case, the center gore) in good conscience?  It means that your size is fine, but the fit just may not be there.  See why it’s a good idea not to get too hung up on the size on the tag?  Sometimes the bra just isn’t your soulmate.  Emily is super comfortable, but the cups probably aren’t a perfect match for my breasts.  There’s also a chance that the center gore is a bit wider than on some other bras.  It might be great for women whose breasts sit further apart from each other than mine do, but there’s currently no room between my boobs for that gore.  Even though the cut isn’t absolutely perfect, I’m considering keeping the bra, and here’s why: it’s crazily comfortable, I like the shape it gives me, which is a bit lower-profile and less in-your-face than some bras, the support is fabulous, I love the color, and I suspect that I can alter the center gore so that it’s narrower and will fit my shape better.

CK sizes its briefs in UK sizes 8-22.  I’m between sizes in skirts and pants right now, and I went with my smaller size when ordering my knickers, which was a good call (reminder: my hips and rear are narrower in proportion to my bust.  If you have fuller hips or a fuller rear, you may need to choose your size differently).  I really like that the waistband doesn’t dig, and the gorgeous embroidery and smooth fabric are just as lovely here as they are on the bra, but the briefs are a bit lower-cut than I’d like, and between the low cut and the looser waistband I worry they might ride down throughout the day.  My obsession with matching lingerie sets is making me hesitate about keeping both parts of a set I’m only 94% sold on, but I’m definitely going to look closer at the bra to see what an alteration to the center gore might accomplish.  Decisions, decisions.

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“Marcie” by Cleo.  Available in Red.  Sizes 28-38 D-J.

On to the Marcie:  I first saw this set in one of Invest in Your Chest’s A/W 2012 preview posts (she has also reviewed Marcie, so check her out if you’d like to see some IRL pictures), and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.  It’s always hard to try to figure out how a bra will fit you compared to how it fits a model, but I suspected that, given my success with similar Cleo bras in the past, this shape would suit me.  The color sure does!  A bright, cheerful, cherry red, with sheer mesh embroidery on the top of the cups and swiss dots (oh look, dots, we are all astonished I love them) on the main part of the cups.  My size closes with three sets of two hooks and eyes, and the straps are fully adjustable.  These straps deserve extra mention: not only are they fully adjustable, but they’re lined with a soft, slightly fuzzy fabric that won’t rub your shoulders raw, and the top side of the strap is ribbed, to ensure that once the strap is adjusted to the right place, it won’t slip.  That is a really nice touch, especially considering that fuller busts can be, you know, heavier busts.

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Ruffled. Freaking. Knickers. Love ‘em. The bows look a bit purple in this picture, but they’re definitely navy in real life.

And yep, this shape is my shape.  I love it, I love it, I love it.  Again, I’m between cup sizes, and I went for the larger one.  The band is firmer than the CK Emily, and when I first put the bra on I thought the cups were too big.  TEACHABLE MOMENT: It’s super, super important to wiggle and shimmy and adjust and reposition and bounce around and stretch your arms up over your head when you’re trying on a new bra, especially if your breast tissue is soft.  Once I did my trying-on dance, my breasts settled into the cups, and I realized the fit was perfect.  I don’t know what wizardry the Cleo team uses, but their unlined balconettes are magical.  The wires sit directly against my ribcage under my breasts with no excess fabric or digging, the center gore is flat against my sternum, there’s no wire poking into my armpit, and the construction of the cup gives gloriously rounded, uplifted boobs.  This isn’t a cleavage-y bra, but it gives an extremely sexy shape nonetheless, and it really elongates the torso and slims the waist, since the bust is so perky and uplifted.  I wore the bra today under a jersey dress, and even though there are seams and embroidery on the cup, which I know some people shy away from, it’s practically invisible.  Marcie, darling, I love you.

The Marcie briefs are also completely flipping adorable.  Ruffles, dots, bows: I’m there.  I went for my smaller size, which was again the right decision.  They’re a little lower-cut than I’d like, but that’s an old song at this point, and they’re too darned cute and comfy for me to care.

I took Marcie out pole dancing tonight.  She held up beautifully.

Emily is available at Butterfly Collection, Linda’s, Figleaves, HerRoom, and Bare Necessities.  Older colors on sale at BraStop and on eBay.

Marcie is available at Nordstrom, Bravissimo, Figleaves, Bare Necessities, and HerRoom.

As a fun P.S., it looks like Cleo has great faith in Marcie, as Invest in Your Chest previewed a new electric blue color to debut for Spring 2013!

*N.B.  Unless otherwise specified, any item I review here at Sweet Nothings is something I picked out and bought for myself.  I do not have sponsors, and I do not use affiliate links.  All opinions are entirely my own.