Tag Archives: Madness

Rant for a Monday

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So the always-on-the-alert Georgina at Fuller Figure Fuller Bust recently brought a ground-breaking piece of investigative journalism to my attention (sarcasm alert).  Read it.  It’ll take you like 30 seconds, and probably only kill 5 brain cells.

You’re back?

Hoooooooooookay.  Y’all.  I’m trying to be calm and measured in my response to this.  But can we get the obvious out of the way first?  This “article” is COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT.

Now, let’s get down to it:

First of all, a woman’s bra size is her own business.

Second, unless you are an experienced, professional bra fitter who is not employed by Victoria’s Secret, you will not be able to tell a woman’s bra size on sight.

Third, celebrities have been known to lie about clothing sizes before.  Probably to avoid being stigmatized and shamed in crap articles on the internet like, oh, I don’t know, this one.  So even if this article has been fact-checked (haaaaaaaaaaa!), it’s probably still only an accurate reflection of either A) the lie the celebrity/celebrity’s people told or B) the (incorrect) size the celebrity buys because she doesn’t know better.

Fourth, the alphabet doesn’t end at D.

Fifth, a bigger number doesn’t mean your boobs are OMG huge.  The number part of a bra size represents the approximate dimensions of your ribcage.  Everyone’s different, of course, but generally your band size will be around +/-1-2 inches of your underbust measurement, if it differs from your underbust measurement at all.  Many of the celebrities pictured in this article are curvy, yes, but they also have slim waists and narrow ribcages compared to their busts and hips.  I’m going to contradict myself and size them (partially) on sight, but I would guess more of them are in the 28-32 band size range rather than the 34-36 range.

Sixth, articles like this perpetuate the myth that D-cup bras are enormous and shocking.  Y’all, no matter the number/letter on the tag, your boobs are not shocking.  They’re your boobs, and they’re totally lovely (they really are.  Small, large, veiny, perky, droopy, stretch-marked, scarred, whatever: they are a part of you, but they do not define you).  There are over 100 different bra sizes readily available for sale all over the internet.  Very slim women can wear D-K-cup bras, full-figured women can wear A-C cup bras, and vice versa.  Your overall shape or clothing size in no way dictates your bra size.

Seventh, this article is sexist and size-ist.  It seems to be measuring female pop stars’ merits by the size of their chests, reducing their bodies to one isolated physical trait, and ridiculing anyone who dares to have excess flesh like the unfortunate gentleman in the last picture.  Haha, you’re so hilarious, article writer.  Really, shame the man for having boobs.  Guess who has boobs?  EVERYONE.  BECAUSE WE ARE MAMMALS.  IT’S SCIENCE.

Eighth, I remind you again that bra sizes, and indeed clothing sizes in general, are arbitrary.  They are averages.  They are mass-production conveniences created for manufacturers and retailers and, in an ideal world, for shoppers, so that we can guess at our best fit.  The use of standardized sizes streamlines the retail process, but it’s not Divine Writ.  Fit and size vary from brand to brand, item to item, and even sometimes from color to color.  Sizes don’t define us as types of human beings.  We are more than our clothing sizes, and we are more than our bra sizes.

In a world before mass-production, clothes were literally made-to-measure, and we had to find things to obsess over and fetishize other than our clothing sizes, because there was no such thing as a “size 4” or a “size 18”.  I absolutely and 100% do not care what size you wear, and I’m working hard not to care what size I wear.  I care about fit.  Your clothes should fit you well and make you feel good.  Period.  People will want to size-shame you, probably because they have unresolved issues of their own or because all they see are idiotic articles like this one, which they accept as gospel truth.  They will tell you that a size 10, 12, 22, whatever is “fat”.  They’ll tell you that a size 0 is “anorexic.”  They’ll tell you that “A-cups don’t count.”  They are full of it.  You wear what size fits you, supports you, and makes you look and feel fabulous.

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Further reading: Busts 4 Justice’s excellent post on the idiocy of cup-size shaming by a lingerie shop

“Universal Cup Size”: You’re Doing It Wrong

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I remember timidly exploring the world of online lingerie shopping shortly after moving to New York.  I Googled my size at the time: 34DDD, according to Nordstrom.  Even though I soon found websites like HerRoom, FreshPair, Figleaves, and Bare Necessities, knowing my size wasn’t much of a help.  Some of these places didn’t seem to carry anything over a DD cup, or they had letters like Es and Fs, and I wasn’t sure how those corresponded to the size I was wearing.  If I did find a 34DDD, the offerings were bland and boring (the next salesperson to suggest I try a Le Mystère bra gets it hurled back in her face).  It was then that I learned that shopping as a wearer of D+ bras would forever be a crapshoot.

Flash-forward (eesh, five years already), and my goodness how things have changed.  Online lingerie retailers offer huge inventories of merchandise for many previously under-served customers.  Just take a look at Invest in Your Chest’s recent report from Moda of the Spring/Summer 2013 trends.  Many of the items she photographed are made by companies that cater specifically to smaller or fuller busts and/or smaller back sizes and/or fuller figures, and the styles, colors, details, patterns, and cuts are sexy, feminine, fun, and enticing.  It’s wonderful, and it’s an acknowledgment from designers and retailers that 34-38 B-D will no longer cut it.  Women come in so many shapes and sizes, and they’re better served, lingerie-wise, than they’ve ever been before.

It’s still confusing though.  French, English, Italian, American, and other European manufacturers all have the opportunity to pick a different cup-sizing method, if they want to.  The vastness of online lingerie retail means that it’s the shopper’s responsibility to do a little homework before she makes a purchase.  She needs to know her brand’s country of origin, and she needs to know her size across different manufacturers.  Many e-retailers try to solve this problem by placing a disclaimer next to a product (ex. “This bra comes in UK sizes.  Be sure to order your UK size” or “see International conversion chart here”), but HerRoom decided to eliminate some of the homework and create a “Universal Cup Sizing (UCS)” system.  In theory, this is great: all the world’s bras united under one sizing system, which simplifies a confusing shopping process.  EXCEPT IT’S LOATHSOME AND DUMB, BECAUSE ONCE AGAIN IT CUTS OFF AFTER D. Continue reading →

Who is Allowed to Like Lingerie?

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The lovely Lingerie Addict recently linked to a bunch of lingerie-in-the-news posts the other day, and I clicked on this one, because I thought it would be fun to see what brands women with more, um, generous budgets than mine turned to. Would they splash out on the fine and fancy, or would they be Just Like Us, and stick to their mid-price, readily-available stand-bys? Two celebrity responses really stood out to me:

“I don’t have a favorite lingerie item. I’m not well versed in that.” — Ellie Kemper

“I have this Agent Provocateur piece that’s really beautiful. Actually, it doesn’t compare to the La Perla thing that I have. I’m engaged, so none of this is slutty by any means, but Agent Provocateur is for when I want to look like a rock star and La Perla is when I want to look demure.” — Caroline D’Amore

I’m gonna come back to the charming Ellie Kemper in a minute, but first I need to take this Caroline D’Amore person aside (I had to Google you, Caroline D’Amore. You are my age, and you should know better) and give her a look of stern disapproval/disgust. Ruby, show them how it’s done: Continue reading →

Reeling and Healing

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So a few weeks ago my brain made a crazy thought that was so loud, so angry, and so vicious that it made me cry: “What if [That Guy You Like] saw you doing this pole dancing shit? He’d be disgusted and repulsed, because you’re unattractive, and deep down you’re gross and unworthy of love.” Brain, you are a dick sometimes.

That Crazy Thought packed a pretty major punch. I’d been going to as many dance classes as I could squeeze in, but for the next two weeks I didn’t want to make the effort on the extra classes, and then I beat myself up for not exercising, and also for caring so much about a Crazy Thought when there’s a plastic island bigger than Texas in the Pacific Ocean and there are people with real problems and the state of our country, etc. etc., all of which a good, healthy, caring person would focus on, instead of on her body. I felt pretty down: this thing that I loved doing that had heretofore been freeing and empowering and soul-opening had kind of betrayed me, like “You were fooled into thinking this was for Every Woman, weren’t you? Idiot. Don’t you know love and happiness are only for the skinny and sexy? Quit this shit and focus on a real problem. Also, you’re getting old.” SHUT UP CRAZY, JEEZ.

So it left me reeling a bit. Well, great, what do I do now? If this thing that made me feel great can sneak attack me at any minute, then what’s the point of doing it? Continue reading →

Compliments, and also Recommended Reading: Be Less Crazy About Your Body by Megan Dietz

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Lady Mary recently recommended (in response to Fighting) a short book called Be Less Crazy About Your Body. It’s by a hilarious writer named Megan Dietz, and the Kindle version is only $2.99, and Kindle books cost pretend money anyway (wheeeee credit card bill!), so I bought that sucker right up. I love pretty much everything about it. It took me fewer than two commutes to finish, and I was nodding in recognition the whole time. She has lots of stories, wisecracks, examples, and helpful tips for, as the title says, being less crazy about our bodies. Because y’all? We’re kind of crazy about our bodies.

I’m not talking about body-focused people like athletes who are training or conditioning, or unhealthy eaters (sigh, hello, my name is Sweets, and sometimes I eat dessert for breakfast) who decide to make healthier eating choices. I’m talking about when we accept the crazy thoughts our brains churn out as absolute and unyielding truths, and then lock those crazy thoughts into a pattern of permanence.

Like, here’s an example. For some reason it’s socially acceptable, nay, expected, for women to talk shit about their bodies. Now, if we’re Ladies, we know not to shit-talk other women’s bodies (if you can’t say something nice, etc., which logically we should apply to ourselves, but we never do). So we decide the only alternative is to talk shit about our own bodies. It becomes a security blanket, a crutch, a social lubricant as appealing as any alcoholic beverage. Meeting new ladies in a group? Want to tell one of them you like her dress/hair/shoes? Be sure to add “I wish I had your/I hate my” so everyone is reassured that you don’t actually feel good about yourself. Then the other party is free to respond “What, are you kidding me? I need to lose 1000 pounds and my hair is gross.” As Megan says, “Girls, girls, don’t fight, you’re both revolting.” Continue reading →

The Body Public, Part V

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I don’t look like Actress McSuperstar.

I never have, and it used to break my heart.  I have wept many, many times over the course of my life because of the state of my body.  I wanted a flat stomach so badly.  I wanted smaller boobs and a perky butt.  But neither my body, with its so-called “flaws”, nor Actress McSuperstar’s “flawless” body shields us from the inescapable public judgment, of our bodies as well as our souls.  As a ten year old, as a teenager, and as an adult, I’ve constantly been jerked out of my everyday life, out of my private sphere, by some asshole who’s decided to let me know that he (or she) has the right to cast judgment on the body I dare to carry around with me.  The way it moves, the way it wears clothes, the weight it carries, the character inside it. My body is visible, and if it has caught someone’s attention, therefore I must be showing it off/be a slut/be asking for it.  My first reaction to public judgment or qualification or appreciation of my body has never yet been anger.  It has always, ALWAYS been shame.   Shame that clings to me for hours, days, years.  “I should never have worn this.” “Dear god, what was my body doing to merit this?”  “My body is wrong.”  “I am wrong.”  “I am shameful.” Continue reading →

The Body Public, Part I

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Hey y’all. I want to veer away from the frills and the food to talk a little about the bodies wearing said frills. I have lots of thoughts (shocker), so I’m breaking it up into parts. I’m primarily going to cite personal experiences as examples. In many cases, I am very, very fortunate that these examples are the worst that have happened to me. There are many women who suffer much, much worse, yet feel the same shame. They shouldn’t have to suffer, they shouldn’t feel the shame, and you shouldn’t either.

Also, because these are my personal experiences and thoughts, I’d love to hear from women and men out there who may have different reactions or conflicting opinions.

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I’ve mentioned what I think of the media’s self-professed skill for sizing women’s breasts by sight. Namely, I think it sucks: sizing on sight based on a paparazzi photo is hopeless, and arbitrarily deeming certain cup sizes acceptable and others shameful is terrible. But it’s really subtle, it’s really insidious, and it’s EVERYWHERE. Especially now that temperatures are climbing and beach weather is slowly creeping in. When’s the last time you passed a weekly tabloid/fashion magazine/article in The Daily Mail that didn’t contain some variation on this headline: “Actress McSuperstar flaunts her bikini body!”? It feels like every week there’s a new one. Continue reading →

Y’all? Gather round, cuz I’m about to preach it.

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Stop referring to yourself as your cup size. 

I mean it.

“I’m a D cup.”

“I’m huge; I’m an F cup.”

“I’m pathetic; I’m, like, a double A.”

“I’m a freakshow; I’m a JJ.”

I totally used to do this, and I did it because I felt terrible about myself and my boobs.  It irritated me to hear it coming out of my mouth, and it drives me crazy to hear it coming out of the mouths of beautiful women around me.  Stop it.  Y’all stop that nonsense, and say this with me now: I am not a cup size.  You’re a person.  You are not your boobs.  They are not all there is to you.  They’re lovely, and you’re a lovely, gorgeous woman, and your boobs are your own, and not for anyone else to judge.  Not your friends, not your mom, not the asshole who hollers at you on the street, not your girlfriend, not your boyfriend, not your spouse.  They are yours.  You deserve to dress them however you please, and they deserve to be supported. Continue reading →

On Sizing

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Size Range for Bravissimo’s “Alana” bra

Short version: American bra sizing is wack and should be ashamed of itself.

Short version Part B: The alphabet doesn’t end at D.

Short version Part C: Do not trust Victoria’s Secret; that bitch will most likely lie to you.

Long version: Heeeeere we go. Sorry. I think lots of thoughts about bra sizes, and I need to get them off my chest (chest! zing!), so y’all grab a drink and a comfy chair and settle in.  Ahem. So. Jeez, there’s so much misinformation and confusion amongst women and amongst manufacturers that I don’t know where to start.

Okay, so, most of us have seen a “bra size calculator” like this one, correct?

Note: this is an old calculator that has since been removed from the Playtex website (thanks to the work of Busts4Justice et al!) because SPOILER ALERT it doesn’t work.

Notice how the band size is significantly larger than the actual underbust measurement?  We’ll come back to that.  Myfirstbra.us still has a similar calculator.  I’ve entered the measurements of a woman of my acquaintance who generally wears a 34G in UK brands: 34 inches as an underbust measurement, 43 inches as a bust measurement. The calculator returned the following:

Your bra size is 40H or larger.

THANKS FOR BEING SO SPECIFIC, CALCULATOR.

Okay, so the calculator is a loser, let’s look elsewhere. Oh, sweet, this same mysfirstbra.us website, to which I shall not link because it is useless, gives you a do-it-yourself method! How helpful for women are, in fact, looking for their first bra. I’ll try again. So we all know that we measure under our breasts and then add 4-6 inches and then subtract the circumference of our boobs sans bra, wait, I mean with a bra that fits, and then divide it by your over boob under arm measurement, and . . . wait, what now?

Are you confused? Of course you are. You are confused because the system is hooey. It wasn’t always hooey, and most likely back in the day before the invention of Lycra, glorious Lycra, it was accurate. Your bra didn’t stretch, but you did, so you wanted something that would accommodate your stretching and moving and stuff throughout the day without pinching you and making you want to die. So you measured your underbust, and then you added a couple of inches to allow for movement. Lycra, glorious Lycra, however, will stretch and move and stuff with us, so it can fit more snugly and perfectly.  So the first thing that usually blows people’s (cough Americans’ cough) minds (as it did mine) is that the best starting point to finding your band size is the exact measurement of your underbust.  No adding inches. Measure (yes, measure! The measuring tape, while not the absolute authority, is not the absolute enemy. See the excellent Brittany from Thin and Curvy’s explanation here) your underbust in inches, and try on a bra in that band size.

Disclaimers still apply: It comes down to what’s comfortable for you! If your measurement is an odd number, yeah, you’ll need to go up or down a size, or get your bra tailored perfectly. Full-busted ladies, and to some extent full-figured ladies (difference between Full Figure and Full Bust explained here, and retailers need to get on board with more offerings for both groups) will most likely prefer a snugger band, because the band is where most of your support comes from. If you’re slim, and your bust isn’t terribly full, you may actually feel more comfortable in a slightly looser band, because otherwise the band will dig directly into your unpadded ribs, and it will hurt. Also, your band size will totally vary from brand to brand, and sometimes within a brand itself (oh, the joys of online shopping).

Wait, back up, because I need to repeat myself: The band is where most of your support comes from. Not the straps. If your bra is digging into your shoulders and you have permanent dents etc., it’s most likely because the band isn’t pulling its weight. If you’re testing a bra to see if it fits, the band should fit firmly without cutting painfully into you, and it should lie level and parallel to the ground across your mid-back. Do you find yourself reaching up and tugging the band down throughout the day, because it’s riding up? That band is too big for you.

Oh Susan Sarandon. See how your bra is hiking up in the back? That bra is emphatically the wrong size. It’s practically taking itself off. It’s all I could see when I watched “Rocky Horror” last year. You’re still great, Susan. You’ll always be Marmee to me.

You should be able to fit two fingers easily under the band, or tug it just about an inch or so away from your body. ALSO: when you buy a new bra, it should fit snugly on the loosest (outside) set of hooks. Lycra does stretch out after a while, so as you wear it, the band will loosen a bit. The additional hooks are there to tighten the band back up again over the course of the bra’s life.

Okay, so, now you have a band size that’s feeling good. Yay!  Is it the same one you started with? If not, you’ll most likely need to adjust your cup size. Your band size and your cup size work together to describe your breast volume, and they’re not independent.  When one changes, the other generally does too.  Let’s say your old bra was a 38D, and now you’ve discovered that 34 bands fit you best.

Isn't that handy?

This is a really good representation of why just saying “D-cup” doesn’t really mean anything, why we shouldn’t assume any size over a C is huuuuuge, and why letters beyond D are awesome. These illustrations represent five different shapes and sizes of women who need five different bra sizes, but they all have the same breast volume. The more letters and numbers you have, the better and more accurately you can describe and fit the glorious diversity of women. (from wikipedia)

Since you’ve gone down two band sizes, you will most likely need to go up two cup sizes to achieve the same cup volume. The cup volume of a 38D bra = the cup volume of a 34E (sigh, DDD in American). Wait, E is two cup sizes bigger than D? Yep. Behold, the English cup sizing system (and the system I think everyone should use, for reasons I’ll get to in another post, because this one is already ridiculous):

AA, A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, FF, G, GG, H, HH, J, JJ, K, KK, L, LL.

Again, there is this weird understanding in the general American consciousness that the boob alphabet ends at D, and if a woman is so inhumanly sized that she needs something beyond this, she just has to keep adding Ds until she gets where she needs to be, because it’s all that’s left to her, poor helpless circus freak. Say it with me: BULLSHIT. This would mean that a woman who wears a UK 30JJ, a totally non-freakish, naturally occurring, and completely lovely size, would wear a US 30DDDDDDDDDDD. Y’all, that way madness lies.

The general rule is that when you decrease your band size by 1 increment, you increase your cup size by 1 increment to compensate, and vice versa (again, see diagram above). It’s not exact, but it’s a good rule of thumb to get started.

What are you looking for to indicate your cup size is a good fit? The wires shouldn’t rest on any breast tissue, either under or surrounding your breasts. If you’re fuller busted, you’ll be able to scoop your breasts into the cup and kind of let them settle in, and the wires will lie directly against your ribcage. You also shouldn’t have any breast tissue squished out the sides of your bra near your armpits (sideboob, blah), although if you’re used to wearing the wrong size, your breast tissue might be used to heading east and west, and you may actually need to train it back where it belongs. If you feel like your underboob (underboob, boo) is getting pinched, sizing up a cup size or two might help, so that the wires lie against your chest, not your boobs.  If you’re a small-bust customer and the fabric of your cup is puckering, gaping, or wrinkling, it may indicate that you actually need to go UP a cup size instead of down, so that the wires can circle the breast without compressing it, thereby smoothing out the fabric of the cup. The tops of the cup shouldn’t cut into your breast tissue (“double boob”). One of the single easiest ways to tell if your cup is the right size is the center front: those wires should lie FLAT against your sternum. Completely flush. If the center front’s pulling forward at all, it’s because your breasts are pushing against the wires, and you should go up a cup size.

It’s going to take a few tries to hit the right size, and a few more to discover what style/shape you like best.  Everyone’s boobs are different shapes, so even if you’re the same size as another woman, you may each prefer different styles.  Many women have one breast that is bigger than the other, sometimes by a whole cup size (joy). When we lose weight, gain weight, get pregnant, have babies, breast feed, get older, exercise, and pretty much live our lives, our bra sizes change. Women are always in flux, and our boobs are along for the ride. An experienced fitter who’s familiar with the different markets and customer needs will be able to suggest styles and sizes that will work for you.

Further reading: the women who have preceded me in raving about lingerie on the internet have covered the topic of fit, sizing, and the horror of bra calculators with humor, grace, and thoroughness. I particularly enjoyed reading the bloggers below:

• The lovely, stylish, and hilarious Georgina: The link goes to her exhaustive fitting archive, covering everything from online calculators to in-store fitting experiences (including some great instances where she deliberately allows a fitter to put her in the wrong size, just to demonstrate the differences between good fit and bad). As a full-figure and full-bust blogger, her eloquent voice is one we passionately need over here in the USA.

• The beautiful ringleader Brittany: Brittany is a pioneering full-bust blogger who wears a 26” band. She offers excellent tips and resources about fit and measuring, as well as where to find bras and retailers that will fit her and her fellow thin and curvy women.

• The wise and pretty Sophia: Sophia offers the perspective of someone who sometimes falls into a black hole in terms of size: 30GG/32G. Some brands don’t make bands below a 32, and some don’t go over a G. Her voice is warm, sensitive, and heartfelt, and she has wonderful opinions and analyses to share.

• Bras I Hate: does not actually hate bras. But I really enjoy reading her eye-opening discussions on different breast shapes, and how to find bras that suit your individual shape. She reinforces the idea that even if the bra is the right size, if you don’t like it, the problem still isn’t you. Her voice is an empowering one, especially as she’s on the lower end of the band sizes (28-30), shopping for GG+ styles. She’s also written some truly awesome, detailed full-bust brand descriptions, highlighting each brand’s offerings, aesthetic point of view, styles, and size range.

• I have not followed Catherine closely, because we are shopping in different lingerie markets, but what a breath of fresh air for every adult woman who wants and deserves beautiful, sophisticated, adult lingerie, only to be handed training bras or massive amounts of padding.  She has some wonderful reviews and brand recommendations, including for the difficult to find plus-size-small-bust size ranges.